I managed to upload those pictures to my yesterday's post - here's the clamshells and the shell-shaped rock.
Today, Tina asks, 'what things in life might you try to control?' and invites us to see how we get caught up in controlling behaviors, against our highest good.
My name is Ela and I am a control freak! My goodness, this is an appropriate topic! Just this morning, I almost lost all of my feel-good and hard-won equanimity because I noticed while stretching that my thighs were almost touching! I know that chelating makes me retain water, and that it's getting toward that end of the month as well. I know that eating more carbs tends to make you retain water too, and what with it being berry season I have been doing a bit of that too. But man, I was furious and distraught - and now, ashamed! And, even before I'd turned on the computer and read today's Reflection on self- love, I had identified this perturbation and upset as being entirely due to a feeling of lack of control. I want to choose the amount of space between my thighs and to control it and keep it constant.
Part of me recognizes that this is crazy.
But part of me wants to control everything - I want to make sure that everyone is well and happy and balanced; I fix all kinds of goodies for Phil, hoping that he won't eat as many candy bars with trans fats and HFCS and packaging and expensiveness - that's (verging on) controlling too!
I guess controlling and perfectionism go closely together. It certainly feels like the same kind of territory that I'm traversing when I'm getting freaked out because dinner's late, or whatever.
It hadn't necessarily occurred to me before that being controlling is opposed to loving oneself. But having a fixed idea of how things should be is surely the opposite of accepting. A good thing to ponder. Thanks again to Tina!
9/11 - a somber day of remembrance for everyone, during Rosh Hashanah, no less! I watched a movie last night called 'Etz Limon' - 'Lemon Tree' - (Hebrew and Arabic with English subtitles) about the ways that tensions on the West Bank border intrude into the lives of real people. It was a touching story, sad and apparently insoluble. On a very abstract level, I just enjoyed seeing that familiar territory, hearing Hebrew and Arabic again, feeling my close connection to that part of the world, and yet my removal from its troubles.
Hope everyone's having a great weekend: it's good to remember, but the now continues!
Don't forget my Amazing Grass giveaway -
love to all