Happy Birthday to Phil

Yesterday, Phil completed his 62nd revolution around the sun, and all of us here in Homer celebrated him. What a remarkable man I get to share my life with!

He appreciates the tiny and beautiful things, but doesn't sweat the small stuff (and is helping me learn to be better about that too)...

...He's famous for his wilderness adventuring, and creative taste in furniture....

...he's the most wonderful wilderness guide, although I learned long ago not to try to keep up with him!

Of course, he's also famous for his wonderful and wry sense of humor...


(story about this one to come later)...

...he'll do things that many people wouldn't dare to (ask him about the 'grasshopper on the nose' story)...

...but even if he has a devilish sense of humor...

...he is wonderful at making children laugh...

...he may even have made my dad laugh!

He's renowned for braving the waves of inhospitable oceans on tiny inflatable craft with sketchy motors...

...but can trust in his herculean strength to bring him safely home...

...mighty man, also an expert in suitcase repair...

...who loves to thrash around...

...and can find exercise anywhere, even at my parents', taking the concave out of the cutting board!

Endlessly, inspiringly curious about the world around him,

...he also knows better than almost anyone how to let it go...

...and simply rest.

Best of all: he really does believe that love makes the world go round, and is living proof of that. Many happy returns!

Ways of Being Our Best - A Spectrum of Compromises and Some Cooked Food

I am very fortunate that I have always been a free agent in my mother's kitchen. Since I was a teenager or maybe younger, she's always been very gracious when I've swooped in and taken over, although I think I'm better at failing to make a mess nowadays!

In my last couple of posts, I've been talking about staying well-fed to avoid blood sugar catastrophes and emotional nightmares, which is apparently far from a no-brainer from me and can be very hard to do! Staying at my parents', it was pretty easy for the most part: but a couple of times it helped me to break my general rule of trying to eat very conservatively, very little different from my normal foods, while traveling. I probably ate slightly more cooked food, although not every day.

Generally, I'm so much more at ease not being strictly 100% raw: that state of restriction was actually somewhat pathological. It definitely fed my eating-disordered tendencies rather than my body, and I'm sure that all the stress about 'are these nuts raw?' 'what temperature were those raisins dried at?' was harmful to my body too. I don't worry about those minutiae anymore, because I don't think they constitute the big picture in health. Raisins, dates, pistachios in southern California are exposed to temperatures well above 115 degrees just sitting on the tree, let alone when things like raisins and prunes are dried on the ground in the sun, and tropical fruits ditto. Berries in northern climates withstand very cold temperatures and maintain life force. It's not a black and white thing. And as for cacao, I had noticed before, and definitely noticed again with my recent raw cacao taste tests, that non-raw cacao doesn't affect me as badly as does the raw kind. Both kinds definitely impact my adrenals in ways that I can feel directly, but the raw cacao does so more immediately and more intensely. Last week in Anchorage I ate some veggies simmered in a coconut curry when we were at a Thai restaurant with friends, and felt much better satiated than if I'd obstinately insisted on merely getting one of their salads minus all the dressing, tofu or meat.

So, it's all about compromises and figuring the best way to be my best!

Back in London, I did make all kinds of beautiful raw goodies - mentioned the cilantro (coriander) chutney and lemon-cauliflower that I made before, and a beautiful marinaded cauliflower/purple kale/shredded carrot/green apple salad with a spicy cashew dressing...

One night I also made a no-sugar raw pie, with almond-hazelnut-flax-stevia-coconut oil-lemon zest crust,  and a cashew-lemon-stevia filling, thickened with a little agar...

...and further thickened and sweetened by some coconut milk powder, just like I used for my kefir, that I found at the Indian shop near my parents' house. Even with only stevia and no xylitol, the pie was really delicious and was well-received.

I used the coconut milk powder in a cooked dish that I made that I was very proud of. It was a curried coconut dal with eggplants (aubergine) and later also zucchini (courgette). Both these vegetables were salted for thirty minutes and then rinsed well before cooking. I used a mixture of mung dal (split mung beans) and urd beans (which I'd never tried before: tiny beans with a great, nutty flavor and solid texture). Soaked both of these overnight. While they simmered on the back burner, I melted coconut oil, added mustard seeds, coriander seeds, a little cumin and cayenne, and sauteed the sliced eggplant and onion...

Blended up some coconut milk powder with warm water and some turmeric and ginger, and added it...

Added the beans, and also a couple of cardamom pods (you can see them in the photo): probably my very favorite spice...

 ...and let simmer for a while so that everything was soft and infused with flavor. The eggplants were so succulent and giving, the beans still had texture and so much flavor; the coconut/cardamom/spicy combination was just delectable.

Then, a couple nights later, I took it to the next level with the leftovers. I sauteed the zucchini and another half onion in a little more coconut oil with some more of the same spices, added more coconut milk, mixed it together with the leftover eggplant dal, and baked in the oven!

This was so delicious I couldn't believe it! The baking married the flavors even more, and browned the top for an extra treat.

My tummy was happy too: what a great way to make a compromise!

But I think that my compromises and general kitchen presence are accepted most of all because of my willingness to fix foods that I don't eat. The night that I made the above goodies, there was a desire for apple pie as the 'real' dessert, with a hankering for an apple pie with a custard topping. I told my mum that I didn't have time to make the pastry from scratch but that if she could provide that, I'd take on the rest of the pie. Fortunately, she had some pre-made short pastry in the freezer. I got to work marinating apple slices and chopped dates in lemon juice, brown sugar and spices, blind-baked the crust, baked with the apples until browned and made stovetop custard meanwhile... Put all together and warmed through before serving:

Not the most beautiful presentation ever, perhaps (and I'm not the best photographer either) but it was definitely a hit and well-enjoyed, and considering how last-minute it was and that I did it all by nose and instinct, I think it went quite well!

How far will you go in compromise?
Sending love...

A Chia-Ful Thanksgiving: Back Home, Ways of Being Our Best

Happy Thanksgiving and happy late fall! We finally got home late Wednesday evening, so yesterday was consumed with basic unpacking and re-combobulating, fixing food and socializing with family and friends.

We arrived home to a wonderful surprise. In the main room of the cabin, there is a little nook with bookshelves on one side. On the other side used to be more bookshelves, mostly taken up with sprawling stereophonic equipment. Now, instead, this: (laptop added since our arrival!)

A desk, with its own office chair and shelving unit, and that beautiful wall-hanging also! I haven't had a workspace for such a long time and it takes its toll ergonomically. I don't know if she did it singlehandedly, but Phil's daughter was the mastermind of this: what a superstar. We were already feeling grateful to be home and to have the opportunity to reconnect with friends and family, but this gave us very clear grounds for marvelous gratitude and amazement that someone should do all this for us.

As I struggled toward the end of our long trip, I talked here a few times about the need to figure out how to take care of myself in order to be my best. In a standard-diet environment, it's all too easy for me to end up underfed, with unfortunately predictable and unfortunately ugly consequences. It shouldn't be as hard as it is, but sometimes it just seems impossible! As I mentioned in the previous post, I'm backed up in my head a couple posts, some still about our time in England, and they have somewhat to do with answering this need. But since it was just Thanksgiving, I'm going to skip ahead to the almost-present!

One easiest way of taking care of things to be my best is to bring my own - make and bring plenty of good food that will be enjoyed by everyone. This is Alaska in the wintertime, and the selection of produce is not enormous. We also had only just got home, so I didn't have any lead time to prepare fancy things. So, I kept it simple, but hopefully, appetizing!

This is a salad of mandolined red delicious apples and fennel, with walnuts and pomegranate and a simple lime juice-balsamic vinegar dressing with a bit of olive oil.

This salad is spinach and watercress, with pea and lentil sprouts and avocado. The dressing, which didn't turn out exactly as I'd have liked, was half a big carrot, two tablespoons of almond butter, dash of apple cider vinegar, smoked paprika, oregano, nutritional yeast, a clove of garlic all blended together with the addition of a little salt and a little olive oil. This needs some serious tweaking! It wasn't tart enough, for one thing, and there was too much oregano.

There were all kinds of nibbles while we waited for the main spread to be ready: with apple slices and almonds available in addition to the cheese ball and shrimp, etc, even I was covered! I had a small-to-medium portion of the two above salads and nothing else on my plate for the main meal, drawing some surprise about how little was on my plate. But my appetite is pretty small really, and I can't eat much in one go. Dessert was yet to come and I still went to bed plenty full when all the courses were gone through!

Part one of the chia-ful thanksgiving:

I brought along this 'nog' to share. It was a creamy almond-sesame-brazil milk with xylitol and lecithin, with lots of nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, vanilla bean, and a little turmeric for color, with two tablespoons soaked chia seeds blended in. I added a tiny bit of whisky: most people added a lot more when they drank it! It was very yummy, but next time I wouldn't use sesame. In fact, if I'd thought it out, I wouldn't have this time! It clashes with the nutmeg.

Does anyone else ever do that? Know somewhere in your brain that something won't be a good combination, but go ahead and make it, and only realize that you already knew it wouldn't be best after actually tasting it?

Next time, I also think that I'd use something other than the chia (whose seeds can be a little scratchy) for thickness - I know it's time for me to get some irish moss to try soon.

Part two of the chia-ful cheer: raw, no-sugar pecan pie. It's the right-most pie in the spread below at our friends' home.

The crust was golden flax meal, pecans, shredded coconut (about a cup of coconut and half a cup each of flax and pecans), 2 tablespoons xylitol, cinnamon, a little water, coconut oil. The filling was two cups of chia-sweet (chia gel made with stevia and spices: in this case, cinnamon and ginger) and a cup of soaked pecans. Really got the Vita-Mix working with that! Added some lecithin, xylitol, some more spices. A soft, puddingy kind of texture that didn't ooze too much at room temperature. I thought it worked quite well.

We brought lots of after dinner mints but I also made a batch of my own peppermint bark with some chocolate flavor extract in it.

It's a half batch, still with its odd whitish sheen from setting up in the freezer. No one else even tasted it, they were too busy with the chocolates, but I was glad to have a nibble too, although it wasn't the best I've ever made it. A little too much chocolate extract and too little peppermint.

I feel like I've been pretty critical of what I fixed for yesterday: a lot of things didn't turn out exactly as I'd have liked. And of course, most things I was 'winging,' as always. But I think that considering we'd only just gotten home the night before, it was an ok success story. Mostly, I'm grateful to have such understanding friends and family, and to get to spend such good quality times with them.

Can you let it go when you prepare something and it doesn't turn out just right? Happy winter weekend to all!

What Motivates You to Do Your Best? Raw Chocolates in London Review: Should We Sample Everything in Pursuit of Our Writing?

We're still in Anchorage, where it warmed up today from 10 degrees to around 32 (freezing): freezing it may be, but the 20 degree-increase in temperature makes it feel positively warm! You can't imagine this application of 'it's all relative' until you experience it in your flesh.

I'm more than ready to be getting home and have had a couple of embarrassing, shaming incidents where my behavior wasn't as I'd have liked because I hadn't eaten enough and my blood sugar was too low and I was cranky. What's the lesson here? Well, I need to fend for myself no matter what everyone else is doing, and I need to accept that my needs are different. More globally, I need to find some things that nurture me in Anchorage. I tag along with Phil and his friends, and they have been wonderful friends too, and very accepting of me. Some of them are even writers also, and afford me a tantalizing glimpse into Anchorage's thriving literary scene. But I don't know any raw-food enthusiasts in Anchorage and since there are raw products at the natural food store, there must be someone out there. And there must be other writerly types with whom I could connect also. So right now, a sense of frustration with myself at not having done my best is my motivation to do better. It's not pure and unmitigated shame: it's also a determination to do better.

What motivates you to do your best?

I have a couple more posts to make about our London trip and time is passing on and carrying in its current all kinds of other happenings to talk about as well. I'm looking forward to feeling less skewed and more caught-up.

I promised to share a review of the raw chocolate and other goodies that I broke the budget on at the Whole Foods in High St Kensington.

Pictured are 'conscious' 'Healthy Heart' chocolate bar and also their lucuma bar (with cacao butter, sort of a white chocolate) and 'pulsin's maple peanut protein bar and also their 'berry burst' with dried raspberries and goji berries and cacao. I also picked up this little ball

and a heinously expensive bar of Shazzie's Naked Chocolate that I seem to have failed to photograph. It wasn't an accident that the flavor of Naked Chocolate that I picked was the 'Siren,' with blue-green algae added, just like the 'Healthy Heart' flavor of 'conscious' chocolate that I picked out, shown above.

I have more intimate pictures of these goodies that I will add another time, since this internet connection is ridiculously slow and I want to post this blog before I have to leave! But it's kind of symbolic that I'm having such trouble posting photos, as I'm finding myself ambivalent about this whole reviewing process. I could tell you about how the conscious chocolate bar had more of a truffle texture, which was delicious and satisfying.

That the 'naked chocolate' bar, whose blocks are much thicker, was a little grainier, not a very good texture, but that both of them tasted great (the 'conscious' somewhat better) and the algae was a very unobtrusive note.

I could tell you that Phil, who loves chocolate but had never had raw chocolate before, thought that the raw cacao was a very 'harsh' note in the chocolate. I could tell you that 'conscious' lucuma bar was disappointing, especially since I'm on a quest to make chocolate without caffeine in it, and was thinking of exploring a white chocolate path. The cacao butter on the bottom was kind of waxy, the lucuma layer above was just too sweet.

I could tell you that the little 'berriball'

tasted a lot better to me than 'pulsin's berry-cacao offering,

which I would have categorized as somewhat 'harsh' too. But the 'berriball' had raisins and dates and much more sweet stuff in it whereas 'pulsin's was lower-glycemic.

I could tell you that my favorite thing was the 'pulsin' peanut maple protein bar.

Despite the fact that personally, I think that carob/peanuts/maple syrup is a very odd flavor combo, I liked the fact that they used carob and cacao butter, I loved that they used pea protein powder (my protein powder of choice, with hemp), and I especially loved that they were low-glycemic and low-fructose, with a minimal amount of maple syrup and 'brown rice malt' (a new ingredient for me) also with the sweetness of carob.

And thereby hangs a tale. What does it say that the bar I liked best may not have had the best flavor, but tasted good and was made from a set of ingredients that I was happy about? Furthermore, what does it say that sampling those raw chocolate bars just underscored for me that my naturopath is right and that I really shouldn't eat chocolate?

This all seems to say that maybe trying out all the chocolate bars isn't the best thing for me to do, and that as much as I love tastes and good foodiness, I (am compelled to) prefer what feels better in my body. The maple peanut protein bar tasted great (if a little offbeat) to me, and I ate half of it after lunch and half of it late afternoon and it didn't wig me out (the final ingredient was green tea extract, which I think is caffeine free) and it didn't spike my blood sugar. I would buy it again. All the others, not so much. I'd like to learn more about 'pulsin:' I noticed that although they are 'low temperature processed' and a small company, they did have whey protein in some of their flavors.

Another one of theirs I was tempted to try was a maca-ashwagandha flavor, except that (as I've shared before), I know that ashwagandha wigs me out, much as I love maca! So, I didn't try the bar with the ashwagandha: why did I try so many cacao bars?

And why was this a bad idea?

When I eat raw cacao, I feel an instant hit of anxiety and stimulation. It often makes my stomach feel more capacious, like I could eat more than I'd otherwise be able to. It's addictive: I always want more of it. When I eat it more than a day or two in a row, it exacerbates yeast symptoms and prevents me from sleeping. And of course, the social element: everybody adores cacao, and I want to share in the conversation about it, not be the party-pooper who says 'oh, it's bad for me!' (or even worse, 'oh, it's bad for you!')

I love that having a blog has helped me to feel freer to buy sometimes expensive goodies to review them. I used to put myself off with sticker shock and deprive myself of the experience. But I'm now recognizing that taking the blogging as carte blanche to try all kinds of raw cacao when I know that I find it addictive, that it gives me instant and then cumulative symptoms, and that it is counterproductive to the adrenal healing that I'm working on, may not be wise, smart or even self-loving. As my very wise and kind bloggie-friend Bitt says, "We have to do what's best for our health first and foremost." 


And so, when we got to Anchorage and discovered raw chocolate bars at the natural food store...and then later found that they're even available in Homer, and at about half the price of raw chocolate in London...

 ...I didn't feel like I was compelled to buy them just to review.


Yes, I do still have a review of Vega's Whole Food Vibrance bars coming up. But this twist in the tail of a blog product review might actually be a more interesting direction for the blog itself! I'm mulling over all that and will talk more about it in due course.


What has you blog writing or other putting yourself out there inspired you to do? Have you ever had to back off from certain things that it allows that don't serve you well?

I'll be back as soon as I can, with photos and hopefully another post. Much love.

Back in AK, SAF Review, Natural History Museum

We're back in AK! The journey and all associated logistics went very smoothly, it was just so long. About 27 hours in transit all told, and we gained 9 hours! It's 8.15 here in Anchorage: since we arrived at midnight local time and had left our truck some distance away at someone's house, we did what we've never done before and spent the night at a hotel! I'm at Super 8 this morning, while Phil is hiking out in the cold and snow the long distance to where our truck was stored. It was about 10 degrees Celcius when we left London: here, it's about 10 degrees Fahrenheit! So, about a foot of snow on the ground and too cold to snow more.

Phil will be glad of the hike: in London he was underexercised and always looking for more ways to bust a sweat! Here he is using a dull old planer to try and take some of the concave out of my mom's ancient cutting board.

We're not going to be home for a few days, because circumstances and appointments next week dictate that we just stay in Anchorage through next Wednesday, so we'll be home just in time for Thanksgiving! I am so ready to be home right now: I want to see how my cultures and ferments are doing, and would have loved to have had more than a day's lead time to prep for Thanksgiving jollifications. But we'll make our best of some extra days of floating here.

I'm also looking forward to getting back to work and to a more regular schedule with the blog. What that will look like is something I need to muse about some more - any advice or requests? Meanwhile, of course, there are several more review and reflection posts backed up from our time in London.

We did manage to visit the immense Whole Foods Market in High Street Kensington,

with a branch of Saf Raw Food Restaurant in the upstairs food court

Saf stands for 'simple authentic food.' So, it sounds like an ethnic title but is actually an acronym. The simple' may be misleading, though: although the food prep and dining area is all plain, austere, linear and uncluttered...

and the plating style is simple and elegant, with good color and shape contrasts and space on the plate...

...the food itself is quite a gourmet experience and was not simple to prepare by any means, I'm sure. I was attracted by a couple of salad menu options, including a very tempting raw seaweed salad, but decided that in order to really try out what they had on offer, I should get something more 'raw gourmet.' Pictured above is 'Pesto au poivre,' from the appetizer menu. It should really be called 'fromage au poivre,' as the pesto is just a small layer in the cashew cheeze. The poivre is pink peppercorns crusting the top of the cheeze. Served with a small arugula (or 'rocket,' as they call it there) salad, some raw crackers and a beautiful balsamic vinegar reduction. Simple it may look, but there's some serious lead time to produce this innocent-looking fare. The crackers were beet and flax-based and quite delicious. Thinner, crisper and more oily than my crackers, and the one that I saved to take home for my mom held its crunch very well. Close to 24 hours of dehydrating there. The cheeze: probably cultured overnight. Delicious, creamy, slightly sweet, no overwhelming spice notes. The pink peppercorns had that delicious, slightly tannic, almost citrusy note, similar to hibiscus, with the addition of a mild spiciness. None of the dryness of the palate of black pepper. The pesto was a robust, straightforward basil pesto, also delicious.

I ate the salad, most of the crackers and half the cheeze, and took the rest home to share with my mum. She loved it all, and my youngest brother (who lives with my parents) hit the cheeze pretty hard and wanted to know where he could get more. This food was delicious and nourishing to the soul as well as the body. It was expensive, though. That plate at 7 pounds 50, was a pound and a half more than it cost to go through the buffet at Vita Organic/Vantra, where you could get a whole selection of different salads, stews, etc. And the entrees at Saf, which included raw options like pad thai and cooked options like beautifully stuffed squashes, were more like thirteen pounds. They also had juices, elixirs, and a smoothie option, and a dessert menu including raw ice cream, chocolate ganache cake, berry cake. So, Saf is a very different dining experience than Vantra. I was very happy to see both of them available in London. I would imagine myself going to Saf for very special occasions and to Vantra/Vita-O more regularly.

I didn't get a dessert at Saf, tempted though I was, because I thought it would hurt my pocket too much, and I was finally in a place, at this Whole Foods, where there was a variety of raw food bars and chocolates available for purchase!

Those 'conscious' bars are raw chocolate; there were a couple of other things as well on the other side of this display. Super-expensive, but I considered it my duty to buy a couple and try them out. A few such nibbles rounded out my  lunch for the day and will be the subject of another review soon.

We wandered around the Whole Foods some more: it was really something to gawk at! A huge olive and antipasti bar, all kinds of fine wines, great rolls of grana padano and parmiggiano reggiano cheeses stacked high, and even a special little cheese shop, with closed doors to spare us the stink!

And then downstairs on the lower ground floor, a fantastic selection of beautiful produce of all kinds, mostly organic, as well as fresh fish and meat counters. A big raw foods selection, packaged and ingredients both, a 'concoct your own granola' (or 'muesli,' as it's called in the UK) in the bulk area, a chocolatier, big frozen foods section. I was impressed with the variety of non-dairy ice creams available, made from coconut, cashews, almonds and rice as well as the soy kinds. Last time I was over, there was hardly any non-dairy ice cream available.  There was a whole aisle of chocolate beside the chocolatier counter too, and it really brought home just how much more expensive raw chocolate is over there: the chocolate aisle looked positively cheap in comparison, and it was all fine artisan brands!

I wish I'd taken more pictures: it was a truly impressive shopping opportunity. The most impressive contraption that made me giggle but also widen my eyes in awe was a separate side-by-side escalator for trolleys (aka shopping carts) for going up and down in the store. For all that huge quantity of stuff that you're going to buy. Going right into the center of town to buy groceries still seems counterintuitive to me, but of course back in the day, all the markets were in the center. I ended up with several very expensive little goodies that I'll review soon. Their checkout and queue system wasn't the best: they did like they do at REI, with a single line feeding to all the cashiers, and it seemed like a lot of space devoted to queueing without any added efficiency.

We walked alongside Hyde Park and down to the Natural History Museum, where we walked around enthralled until closing-time almost three hours later! It's so many years since I'd been there, and it was just marvelous to go with Phil, who is such a lover and expert on everything naturally historical.

Here is Phil with the front end of the blue whale: one of the most impressive displays, life-size, juxtaposed with a whole gallery of mammals.

Near the back end of the blue whale, you could pick up the phone to hear what the elephant said! Too funny.

 

I need to get back to being here in Anchorage with our friends, am on someone else's computer right now, but really wanted to get this out.

Lots of love to all, and I'll be in contact and writing more.