Reflections on Self-Love - Purpose; Two Outings, Two Dinners - Homer Events

We had guests over tonight - a lot of fun - but now it's past 9pm here, which means it's way late everywhere else. I was doing my work and fixing the dinner all day but had my photos uploaded and ready to go, and have been percolating this post in my head, so hopefully I'll keep it brief but have it make sense.

Today's reflection on self-love is about a sense of purpose - recognizing our own uniqueness and connecting with our role in the world. Tina asks, "In what ways does your life have purpose?"

I'll come back to this at the end of the post, but it's been a very perplexing question for me at times. I have struggled with the lack of clarity over whether I'm at liberty to create/recognize my own life purpose, or if my purpose emerges as I'm tugged along by events. Today, I felt like working on my translating job and preparing a dinner for guests were parts of my purpose, but Phil had invited the guests, whom I didn't know very well, and my translating job is translating a dictionary, so parameters are tight!

Be that as it may, while I gave up trying to fix 'compromise' foods that would work for both of us a long time ago, and now fix wholesome but regular omnivore food for Phil and any guests, always with a big salad with  good dressing on it, I know that part of my purpose is to feed myself so that I'm at my most functional.

Here's part of the experiment: I actually went out both Saturday night and Sunday night. Neither time did we get home that late, but two evenings out in a row is a lot for me - I'm not much good come evening. I had two very different dinners those two nights and there were definite results and consequences.

On Saturday night, I went to hear Corrina Delgado, a performance poet from Anchorage. I love going to poetry events and hearing what other people are doing. I loved that she performed everything from memory and used rhyme and rhythm to make it a very oral (and aural) medium. A fascinating meld of hip-hop-type rhythm, intense confessional and mythological comparisons.

I kind of wanted a smoothie beforehand but couldn't be bothered to make it (tired already), so had this instead;

It's soaked wakame, pickled beets, peeled and chopped-up broccoli stalks, broccoli flowers, cilantro, some coconut kefir whey, curry powder, bit of avocado. With some romaine lettuce on the left and some coconut kefir (which I promise I'll explain soon) on the right.

Then, on Sunday night, I had this for dinner

(smoothie with nettles, mint, cilantro, kefir whey, herbal tea, flax, chia gel, slice of avocado, spirulina, chlorella) (oh yeah, and the end of the spoon in my hand when I was taking the photo! No photoshopping here, lol)

before we went out to be part of the basket-burning party.

Above is how it was the day before...

On the evening itself, there were a couple hundred people there, and it was festooned and garlanded. It is an 'impermanent art exhibit' - a monster basket built/woven from local materials. People were invited to add notes saying what they wanted to release.

The sun came out for the only time that day, just in order to set, which was the signal to set the basket on fire! There was lots of drumming and dancing.

And as it got darker, the flames of the basket mounted higher!

It was magical - very social and community-feeling but also intimate. There were folks spinning poi, some of them very good (couldn't get decent pictures in the dark). And then there were these amazing fire-lanterns - like a parachute in reverse, or a miniature hot-air balloon. They were lit and released, and they went up and up and up until you could no longer see them. So cool...

And the verdict on the two dinners? Well, beautiful though the first one was, I was definitely 'aware' of it in an uncomfortable kind of way while listening to the poetry performance. Whereas on Sunday night, I felt lightly but well-nourished. I was wiped out at the end, because we had a hike to get to the gathering and then stood for a long time, but my guts were no problem at all.

So much gratitude for the Vita-Mix! I talked myself out of smoothies with all kinds of rationalizations for ages - blenders are expensive, they pull too much power, have to wash them, etc... And then, when I was trying to make the same food for both Phil and me, he abhors the texture of smoothies and blended food - he'd rather have something to crunch on. Good enough for him, good enough for me, I thought. Well, that was foolish. Phil has an extremely strong digestion, and I have the opposite. There's probably a reason why I'm drawn to smoothies and love them: I tend to feel better afterwards. Now, when I start up inner talk about 'shouldn't use the blender,' I remind myself that making smoothies is being loving to myself.

Is smoothie or salad more self-loving to you?

Back to self-love and a sense of purpose: I mentioned above the dichotomy between the feeling of choosing and connecting to life's purpose and that of having it emerge as you're tugged along by all the different things that bump up against you. For me, I feel that perhaps both are valid. My purpose in any given moment or situation may be somewhat governed by the situation: but I will have a special role and response that won't be just like anyone else's. Furthermore, as I'm bumped around by all these events, I am compelled to write about them. I feel that my poetry writing is my truest life purpose and that part of what I need to do is to fulfill my given role in a situation to the best of my (not anyone else's) ability, and then I need to go do my writing!

How does sense of purpose relate to self-love for you?