Notes from the Road, Cities, Kay Ryan, Was it Really You? Supplements

On the Road

When I used to go on the road, I used to travel with almost nothing - a small backpack/bookbag for weeks and weeks, by the skin of my teeth, not knowing what my next connection would be… Anxiety would be through the roof, I'd always be underfed - and somehow I got there in the end. This time, I have a laptop, cellphone, camera (although I forgot to bring its charger) and a cooler full of food, supplements and a couple changes of clothes. Anxiety has still been high, but it's definitely much easier. The contrast, as well as the journey itself, has forced me to reflect on how deeply ingrained 'civilization' is within us, how far it is true that a human's 'natural environment' to some large degree today is 'the city,' where buildings dominate lives and in better cities are full of and surrounded by greenery, where food is purchased and money is earned and spent. A pretty intense conclusion for someone who has tried to 'go back to the wild' so much.

Here are some snapshots of the journey so far, with some reflections on the whole concept of the 'Art of Truth' that I was grappling with this time last week - what an enormous picture is contained in every moment, how to speak its truth, how to interpellate it without interrupting and altering it.

First, though, the poles of my journey: I'll be in Fairbanks for tomorrow evening, for two weeks of focusing on the art and craft of writing - delectable! I'm in Anchorage tonight, where the MFA Residency is taking place, together with a wonderful series of public readings, which I'm missing! And I left Homer, where earlier this week I might have had an intense 'near miss' in the 'making connections' world, or just to express some intense admiration.

Kay Ryan, Was it Really You?

On Tuesday evening, we went to a poetry reading at home in Homer, at a little gallery that holds music and spoken word events too. It's a beautiful little space with some amazing artwork. These baskets are for our wonderful friend Lynn, who is learning how to make them - they're made from kelp harvested from our beaches!

We had to leave early for a dinner engagement, but were there for most of the reading by Mary Mullen, a resident of Ireland for the past 15 years or so who was raised on a homestead in Soldotna (72 miles north of Homer).Her Alaskan roots, her Irish now, and her daughter, who has Downs Syndrome, were the anchoring themes of her writings, which were limpid and heartfelt. 

But - I was distracted: I couldn't take my eyes off a lady in the audience who looked so much like Kay Ryan (as I've seen her in photographs at least) that I was blushing and sweating agonizing between wanting to go and talk to her, realizing that I couldn't possibly do such a thing, and what if she wasn't Kay Ryan at all? Kay Ryan, by the way, has just gotten through being the Poet Laureate. In terms of poets that I'm reading at the moment, she's my current obsession. And the reason for this made the agony of wondering if this was her even more acute, because one of the things that I'm venerating and also using to think with so much about her work is the distance she interposes between intense feelings and their poetic expression. She herself has said something like that she didn't want to spill body fluids all over her poetry! So, listening to this very honest woman's very personal and confessional poetry whilst wondering whether this other, older woman in the audience was my current idol who is teaching me how not to write confessional poetry (or how to write non-confessional poetry) was especially excruciating.

I left, wondering. Agreed with Phil that probably it wasn't her - she lives in Marin County, what would she be doing in the pouring rain in Homer?

But that's not the end of the story. When I spoke to my friend Lynn, she mentioned apropos of something else that she'd heard that Kay Ryan would be reading in Soldotna this coming Sunday! So that woman must have been Kay Ryan! Was I the only person there who recognized her, who cared so much? What would Mary Mullen have felt, to know that she had such a distinguished audience? Did I just miss a uniquely intimate opportunity to have a conversation with the person who produces this poetry I so admire?

A Different Lifestyle - Dipnetting

I got up to Anchorage thanks to the Red Salmon run - all of south-central Alaska, numbers swollen with tourists and 'snowbirds,' is on the move, dipnets of all shapes and sizes strapped on to vehicles ditto, fishing at the mouths of the Kenai and Kasiloff rivers, or (as Phil prefers) taking a boat across Kachemak Bay to China Poot creek. Our friend Joe and his sister came down for some, and Phil and I joined them.  Phil did, anyway. In as deep as he could possibly go, of course!

See Phil in his golden fleece?

A whole different truth, here - a whole different lifestyle, little kids in chest-waders, wielding dipnets, a whole moveable city of RV's with all kinds of portable creature comforts and rubbish, all picked up and set down in these very remote areas. Some people had very high-tech, shiny, expensive equipment; others (like us) had dip-nets fashioned from copper pipe and old bits of gill-net; we saw a little kid wielding a dipnet whose handle was a recycled crutch! Old, heavyset men in chestwaders dragging coolers full of fish along the sand in dinky little plastic sleds. Imagine going every year with your family, possibly coming from outside Alaska just for the possibility of scooping up red salmon in a big net, plucking last year's sand off of all the equipment, repatching the waders...even loading up the little rubber dinghy and braving the strong current there to try to catch some from a boat (can use a bigger net that way).

Anchorage Opportunities

In Anchorage today, I picked up a last couple of supplements that the ND recommended to help me with anxiety and fatigue during the next couple of weeks - help to keep those at bay, that is. One of them was simply 'rescue remedy,' which I was raised on and so familiar and comfortable with - my mum would drop some onto our tongues any time we had an accident or shock. It's the most famous of the Bach Flower Remedies, and has something of an instant calming effect, working on the essence/energy level.

[Sorry for the mess here - I dropped that image in and can't do anything with it, can't move it, can't remove it, nothing - anyone with blogger expertise - please help!]

 The other one works on a more metabolic and chemical level - it is a phospholipid called Phosphatidylserine. I could have gotten the exact thing for cheaper online, but I got the closest thing I could find at the natural food store. Anchorage is a treat for me, boasting a natural food store as it does. This supplement is sold as a supplement that promotes acuity and brain function, but it's definitely a strong adrenal medicine too, which was why the ND gave it to me in the first place a couple months ago. It's so expensive, but it does work! If I hadn't been being cheap with myself, I'd have been hitting it hard this week, having been so anxious: it really does help, and I haven't always been a person to notice big differences from supplements.

The library here is so beautiful - 

Z.J. Loussac Public Library, to give its full, imposing title.

- and check out the schauspieler fountain! Especially check out the plants around the border - most of the edge plants are parsley! - Beautiful curly parsley too. Some huge red cabbages and kale too.