Showing posts with label georgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label georgia. Show all posts

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Getting Found From the Woods, or Back On Meds


Okay! As promised, here's the story about my adventure in the woods--was it really just yesterday? It really was. Time is doing strange things here. I seem to say that a lot. 
Something else I hear myself say a lot is how much I love being in the woods: being surrounded by trees, the way the light dapples and refracts (that word again). Well. I learned some lessons in the woods yesterday, both about being in the woods and, because I can't help it, metaphorically.
I went to Sandy Creek Park, which is a pretty, nicely kept park that appears self-contained. There is a lake with a bridge over it, a beach, children's play areas; over the bridge, some camping areas and some trails around the lake. Had I turned left on the lakeshore trail, I would have made a gentle sweep around the park area. I turned right. I hadn't paid attention to know that in that direction, the lake went off way past the boundaries of the park, almost out of sight, not self-contained at all.
photo (79)
I learned yesterday that being in thick woods for several hours with no clearing becomes claustrophobic. I really was a tunneling worm, although for extra dimension, a little bridge was where I rejected that paragraph of a book review I was writing in my head, and that upward draw was where I composed those nice sentences for the next essay, so that the sentences will always be colored by that part of the trail and, if I hike the trail again, various sections of it will be redolent of whatever sentences I was working on there.
Even so, after a while I was suffocating and really wanted a clearing. After longer, I was tired and ready to be done. Remember, I started the day so tired I could barely get myself out of bed. I kept going and kept going, thinking "it's a lake; surely I'll get back to where I started eventually!" Or at least to another exit from it and a trail back through the park.
When I was sooo ready to be done, I found this big, beautiful bridge. Perfect timing! This was obviously going to take me to a grand exit. 
photo (80)
Wrong. It led to a disused trail and a locked cattle gate. I climbed over the gate into a cul-de-sac with a mixture of grand houses and trailer homes. I asked some folks who'd just pulled in to their property where I was and how to get back to the park. They said I'd have to go back the way I came, several miles--safer than going along the highway. It was 6 pm at this point and I'm not in AK now with 20-hour days! I mentioned that, and they said I had at least a couple hours of daylight. It's much darker in the woods, I almost wailed. Yes, fair point, it is., they said. They absolutely did not want to help me out, even by talking to me. 
So, the best I could do was plan to go back the way I'd come as near to running as possible on my tired, blistered feet. Yes, I cried. I put a sad text on Facebook but more importantly, texted my friend with whom I'm staying to let her know I'd no idea when I'd be home. She called back immediately to say get back out to the road, find out where you are, and I'll come pick you up and take you back to the car. Wow, really? Wow. Okay, then. 
This time, though, I got a different answer from the cul-de-sac. A couple just heading out on their own walk saw me, asked if I'd come from the trail, and said of course they'd take me to my car! Apparently it wasn't the first time they'd rescued a lost crepuscular hiker who faced dashing back through the woods for miles. And it was a long way. Several minutes down the highway. I am so grateful to that couple. They were unconditional warmth and kindness.
So, obviously, the first lesson learned is "Look where you're headed for." Don't assume the lake is commensurate with the park. I had hiked almost halfway around it, seven or eight miles, but that left probably another ten. 
But the second lesson has to do with the two different cul-de-sac encounters. After that last excursion off my meds, I was describing to my psychiatrist how blessedly soon after getting back on them I resanified. "You're so lucky," she said. For many people, the meds don't work so quickly after those sins of omission and sometimes don't work as well forever after. Then she looked me in the eye and held the contact. "Don't take it for granted," she said. Similarly, I have blundered off road or off trail or on unknown trail so often all my life. Somehow or another, I've been rescued, picked up, brought to safety. Last night, though, for some time it looked like my only option was hike back the way I came, in darkness, with no guarantee I'd be able to follow the trail let alone notice the side-trail up to the parking lot. Don't take it for granted that I'll be rescued. But do be grateful that I'm so lucky.
Does it resonate?

Monday, April 29, 2013

Huzzahs and Back Slaps; My Trifecta of Talents (?!)

HAWMC Day 29 Prompt: Congratulations!
We all know Health Activists are awesome. Share three things you love about yourself, things you’re great at, or just want to share. Don’t undercut or signpost!
I just slipped up and failed to produce a post at all yesterday, because I stayed up working instead. The night before, I had to leave my post unfinished because i was asleep. To be fair, I had just flown to Georgia overnight (hey from GA, btw!) and had brought work with me and worked late.
Then I slipped up again. I determined almost a month ago that I need to give my body a break from chocolate. When it goes in my body, it's only producing compulsive, out-of-control feelings as well as self-destructive urges and physical discomfort. This happens every now and then with chocolate, I know it, and the solution is simple. Don't eat any chocolate for a couple months, dummy! So, what did I do this evening? Ate the small remaining amount of chocolate I'd self-sabotagingly brought with me, having eaten the rest of it previously. Yes I know I was running a cal. deficit, which made me vulnerable to the chocolate siren (what an image that is). But it's hard for me to forgive myself when I do that.
And having failed as a blogger and as a self-disciplined restricter, I'm supposed to toot my own horn? Where are the beans???
Well, nonetheless, I'm always game. Okay, three things I love about myself, am great at, or just want to share. (That last one's a cop-out, isn't it?)
1) Today was my first day interning at the Georgia Review and I loved it like it's what I'm meant to do. I spent the day looking at manuscripts that had been submitting for consideration at this wonderful literary journal. I got to see what kinds of things were getting submitted and also what kind of reader I am in this context. I love it. I'm excited for the next two weeks; I can already imagine I won't want to leave!
2) I am so grateful that I'm such a great traveler. My psychiatrist said it's probably one of the only good effects of being bipolar. I hadn't made the connection but I'm sure she's right (except "only" seems pessimistic). I don't get jetlag. Yes I'm anxious by nature, but usually when something goes wrong on a flight I'm the one turning it to funny or reassuring other passengers. One time a flight from Amsterdam to Athens, Greece, was delayed when we were all on the plane already, and a lot of Greek passengers were panicking and others were going in the toilet to smoke and the poor Dutch air stewards were wringing their hands. I ended up interpreting--the Dutch folks couldn't speak Greek and the Greeks couldn't speak English, but I could speak Greek and the Dutch ladies could speak English...and we worked it out. 
And actually that last anecdote is 3) I am so grateful that I love languages so much; that even at times in my life when I haven't played with language as much, it's been there for me. Nowadays, I'm even more grateful that I'm taking lithium, so that I can know there is a felt world beyond language. Until then, language and words were all there were for me, they held the place of parseable emotion. Now, the world is velvet-richer.
Dear readers, please tell me your three!