Term's over, pressure's off, but things are not easy here. There has been some sweetness too, though, so let me start with that before I get to the bitter part.
The Sweet
Mother's Day brunch yesterday, and Leslie has chicks!
Getting right into the spirit, both Leslie and Roxy have chicken outfits--super sweet (and silly)!
Medjools are the only dates in the stores up here (except for the occasional pitted deglets, which are steamed, so I don't buy them--a shame, as I love deglets). I've mentioned before that I don't care for medjools--they're the modern-day-agricultural version of dates, super big, super sweet, less minerals, more sugar. So, when I saw that Shields Date Garden was having a sale on some of my favorite varieties of heritage dates, I went overboard and ordered up fifteen pounds of each! That should last a couple years...
Barhis were everyone's favorite in the raw food community in CA when I lived there, and were very hard to get because they always sold out so fast. What a treat to have an abundance of them. Abadas--I love how they're black and shiny--anything that color must be high in minerals. Abada is the name of a branch of my family, so I feel even more connected with them.
And how did I make that marzipan stuffing, you ask? Easy--
2 tablespoons raw almond butter, softened
1 tablespoon raw coconut butter, softened
1/2 tablespoon almond extract
1 tablespoon powdered xylitol
Stir all together and stuff into pitted dates!
Given my excitement to share these wonderful less-usual varieties of date, it took the wind out of my sails a bit when pretty much everyone at the party said they preferred medjools. I wish my moral judgment against medjools as agriculturally processed/demineralized/oversized/oversugared didn't interfere with my reception of other people's taste preferences--I try not to let it do so. Mostly, I was disappointed that everyone else wasn't as excited as I was about the other varieties of date! But medjools are the prototypical, generic date for most Americans, so I shouldn't have been surprised at the reaction of "Dates? Medjools!"
Whoa there, a little bitterness creeping into the sweet section!
I guess I'll call it a transition...
The Bitter
Teaching-done. MFA coursework-done. RWW thesis editing-done. And now three different experts and my bloodwork say time to cash in. No way! Not NOW!!
Perhaps that sounds playful, as several people "liked" my status. But things are not easy here. The huge pressure of work of the last months has lifted, but I have a mountain to climb. I went into my naturopath appointment on Friday angry at all the drama and scaremongering people were doing about my health status.
My naturopath, whom I love and trust, and was expecting to back me up that there was no need for the drama, had my bloodwork in his hand, and told me he was sorry, but he agreed with everyone else.
I feel like the elephant in the room.
So, now what?
Here's what it looks like today.
I'm on my third day off caffeine, though, trucking through the headache and the unmasked fatigue. That's a good thing.
We're "exploring options," but I'm facing having to miss out on a lot of things I'd rather be here for--in order that I may be here long term, they say. I still don't think the situation is that serious. They say that's part of why it is serious. Bitter, bitter.
Wow! Thanks so much for the link!
ReplyDeleteI bought 30lbs of dates -- The black ones and the little squat looking dates. I prefer pretty much any date to the medjool dates and so does my husband.
Most folks have spoiled taste buds from eating too much junk in their lives.
Rest assured that you're eating more nutritionally rich delicious flavorful food!
*hugs*
Yay! Raederle, I'm so glad you saw that link. I was hoping some folks would see and benefit from it.
DeleteI agree with you on dates as mostly sugar if we're talking about medjools, but honestly, those abadas and barhis and many of the other dry dates are super nutritious--they're high in potassium and lots of other minerals (and my potassium is low right now, so probably a good thing).
I know a lot of people who get gas from eating lots of dates but (maybe because I eat slowly and never eat that many) it's never been a problem for me-they digest great for me, which is really saying something.
love
Ela
Hi Ela,
DeleteI find that dates don't do well on my system when I eat them near most any other food, but that one or two alone is fine. However, I'll mostly be using them in my favorite recipe to getting healing roots -- turmeric and ginger -- in to me: http://reallyrawraederle.blogspot.com/2012/03/recipe-honeyed-turmeric-muesli-without.html
Instead of mulberries or dried apricots, I'll use abada dates. :D
I've found that recipe seems to always work for my body, which is very odd since all wheat products disagree with me (showing how different oats are from wheat) and also, because mixing any sort of seeds or nuts with dried fruit always gives me gas and really terrible gas pains... And yet dried fruit, turmeric/ginger/cinnamon, soaked oat groats and apples do not!
I think it must be mostly just the power of the fresh roots. But it could be a magic of the mix -- apples and oats.
~ Raederle
Hi Raederle,
DeleteThat sounds like a yummy recipe--I adore turmeric and ginger in general. I adore mulberries and apricots generally, but dates would be great too, especially abadas.
love
Ela
That title is so perfect for this post. On the sweet side of things, the chicks and chicken hats really made me grin :-)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with eliminating the caffeine. It can be rough, but you'll get through it.
Thanks, Shannonmarie!
DeleteDay 4 so far off caffeine. I think I'm doing pretty well with it. Appreciate your support.
love
Ela
Hey Ela-I'm just catching up on your last few blog posts. Sorry to hear that things are not easy, but glad that you are continuing to face your anorexia and do what you know you must inevitably do to be healthy, even if you don't totally see the need at all times.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on taking the plunge and getting off caffeine. The 300 calories a day still worries me. My only advice on increasing is that it is more important to stick to your plan to increase than where the calories come from. I know you mentioned in your post about increasing calories that so many things that you eat make you feel bad, hurt your teeth, seem too calorie dense etc, but I think that the key is not letting those things stop you from increasing in whatever timeframe you and your naturopath have agreed to. I think that when your body switches from starvation mode to a healthier way of operating, that there will likely be discomfort, but that it is essential to get through it in order for you not to die or suffer permanent damage.
I know that it may not seem that serious to you, but am glad that you are open to listening to your naturopath, bloodwork, and people that love you. I know it's a process to not only come to the understanding that your current condition is not sustainable, but to then to also take the needed action to get healthy. I appreciate you sharing on your blog and the strength it takes to do that. I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to encourage you in the process and let know you that I'm thinking of you.
love- heather
Dear Heather,
DeleteThanks so much for checking in! Good to hear from you and I look forward to catching up more about how life's been treating you.
I'm on day 4 off caffeine! Not having such a crazy schedule means I have neither the excuse nor really the motivation to take it. Even despite the headache, I don't miss it particularly.
Oh, I'm already eating more than twice 300 calories, so please don't worry about that. Still not quite enough maybe, but for the past week I've been solidly around 600 or more. It's so nice to be able to get out for beach hikes again as the weather gets nicer.
You're right, though--there will be some discomfort, and I need to just get through it. We're looking into options to help me more at this point--it's been a confusing couple days.
love
Ela
Just catching up, but backwards. The dates look amazing and the chicks are so cute. I feel they are so vulnerable having cared for them myself.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural to feel angry. I am glad people are telling you that they want you to be healthy, because it would be worse if people didn't care, right? It can be so hard to make changes like this. I really hope you find the path that works for you to get better.
bitt--thanks for looking in! Yes, those chicks are adorable, and vulnerable, and feisty. Roxy, their little dog, is a 'bird dog,' and it's been quite a challenge keeping her well away from the chick!
DeleteThanks for understanding how hard it is to make changes. I'm working on it and we're working on seeing how I might best be supported more.
love
Ela
Nice transparency. the rest is in email, of course!
ReplyDeleteLove you!meredith