What a late start to the blogging year. Past the First, almost to Epiphany!
I'm about ready for an epiphany myself--are you too?--after the world failed to end with the Mayan sunset and we all have to find something productive to do.
In excuse for this tardy New Year's post, let me say this last short while has been an onslaught of missed or belated epiphanies. Are things looking up?
I look up from my preoccupation with holiday goodie-making, and the weather is terrible and we must be on the road now to get to Anchorage to pick up Phil's granddaughter.
I look up from trying to get work done amid holiday stuff, and realize I haven't been managing my self-care, and whoops--my moods and physiology are all over the place.
I look away from angsting at the scale going up for no reason at all, check in with this feeling in my middle that I've been ignoring, and lo, I have a bladder infection I've been ignoring, inflammation, water retention, and it actually really hurts.
I look up from talking with my mom on the phone, and there are four moose in our yard--the most I've ever seen--on the wrong side of the fence, eating on all the trees and shrubs we've been trying to keep them out of. Since I only got my iPhone yesterday, I could barely figure out how to take photos of them while failing to chase them out. (Banging some pans together finally sort of worked, the photos didn't.)
The once happiest man I ever met backs away, saying he's spent. Did I spend him? Or did I waste him?
I've put in time at various institutions where the items you're allowed to keep are about like what you're allowed in the cabin of an aircraft.
I spent most of the holidays in a place where even shoes with laces and journals with ties were out; even toothbrushes and toothpaste were verboten: see the disposable toothbrush below with a blob of gel you squeeze up. My own hairbrush had a hollow handle and was out; my own socks were mid-calf, and only ankle-length were allowed. There was no monitoring of lavatories, but all other doors were locked.
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If nothing else, this was obviously a great opportunity to reflect, and to set some intentions, and I may share some of those when I'm more together. What are you guys intending for this year?
Is it light at the bottom of the well or water at the end of the tunnel?
And yet, there is love. Always, love.
Very well written. Poetic. Love, always love to you!
ReplyDelete
DeleteThanks, and love to you also, and sorry for horribly belated response!
love
Ela
It's always giftie time this way! You must be cleaning house, so to speak.
DeleteYou always get me with at least one shattering ray of brilliance per post, and this one is "missed or belated epiphanies. Are things looking up?" I stopped and grinned at the contrast in these 8 words, thinking of Stephen Dedalus, who taught me about ephiphanies: "A girl stood before him in midstream, alone and still, gazing out to sea. She seemed like one whom magic had changed into the likeness of a strange and beautiful seabird."
ReplyDeleteYep, epiphanies on the horizon -- and there are 10 "up" in here! So 10 looks up and 10 epiphanies--I am going to watch myself today for some!
You see, for me the light was not at the bottom of the well, for that is how I described the dark well I was at the bottom of for those Far North years, it was water at the end of the tunnel, for "When the Heart Waits" became my experience, it was time that brought the light. For you, the question remains a question though, and I eagerly follow your recording of it!
DeleteKay--first off, my apologies for this horribly long hiatus in responding. As opposed to tunnels up or down, there's a confetti of opportunities, each one a possible new tunnel. Hopefully, one day, a tunnel with no sides and no roof. And I think of falling upward.
love
Ela
Hi, Ela! Glad to see you back in the bloggy world. I missed your posts. I think I'm having an epiiphany but have yet to sort it out. It's the time of year, the light is coming back, yet with it comes such responsibility to see oneself more clearly. This is a scary thing.
ReplyDeleteAs for your dilemma, write. Explore. Bring the experience to life. As for institutions where one isn't allowed shoelaces, I've been there, done that and in some ways it's made me a better, stronger, more balanced person, though not in ways intended or expected by those in charge of said institutions (well, f**k 'em and their theories, hey?).
Happy New Year! Hope to see you soon.
DeleteGlad to be back in that/this world. Sorry to take so long to respond on this one--we've even seen each other in the interim!
I love your observation that the returning light brings obligation to see oneself more clearly. I feel like some of that's been happening since I got home Friday.
And yes, "those" (no shoelace) places, let alone the TSA, can offer all kinds of experiences we may not expect, that may turn out valuable.
love
Ela