Special People, and Why I'm Not a Food Blogger (1)

I confess, it's hard for me to compose blogs on the road More precisely, it's hard for me to publish them; I usually compose at least two or three in my head. The drive up to Anchorage yesterday was blissfully uneventful for a winter Anchorage run. The winter expansion and contraction of the earth ruptures the heck out of tarmac, though, and there were long stretches with no snow on the road where the full extent of new potholes and cracks and chasms could be test-driven. My car "had my back" the whole way, and I wished I could have avoided more potholes in return, poor little wheels.

Apparently it's also hard for me to publish my long-ago-composed posts about why I'm not a food blogger, nor to write a recipe-oriented post, as promised for so long. Let me start like this. It gave me such a thrill to drive into town, head to Barnes and Noble, and pick up a copy of the newly released novel written by the friend with whom I was staying the night!

SO amazingly cool. And when we get together, the "food" we talk about is that which comes out from inside of ourselves, for which we get hungry if we don't write for a day (unmilked again!), that nourishes the soul--yes yes, the Greeks would for sure classify us as cicadas, feeding off the sweet dew of inspired voice... 
Yes, an opportunity to spend some time with Cinthia--and with her lovely partner and characterful four-leggeds, is always precious to me. I leave with a small treasure within myself whose brightness I can rub for days to come.

Since that's where my juice is, it's not surprising I haven't been using my writerly passion on food. Honestly, I haven't been using my creativity in general on food very much, which may be a shame as I do have significant creativity in the area, and I'm currently blessed with a big kitchen with running water. But here's a good example of how I fail as a food blogger.
Exhibit A

Cauliflower roasted in spices on a bed of greens with parsley garnish.

It looks lovely, doesn't it?

Exhibit B

The same ingredients, minus the green surroundings and garnish, dehydrated for two days.
Now admittedly the green garnishes do a lot to prettify the dried-only-by-roasting version; my hand is, frankly, hideous; and my photography skills are a little less deplorable in the first photo. (Which, btw, is another reason I'm not a food blogger. I don't photograph my food in a lightbox with a high-level camera. I pretty much point and shoot.) But even admitting all those things, these little niblets do not look so appetizing, do they?

I'm not going to sell them to you as Cauliflower Popcorn! What I will tell you is that they are delicious in an oily, salty, nutritional-yeasty way (which, NB, I do not call "cheezy" with a 'z'...); that they linger in your mouth so your mouth asks for a repeat of the taste. I will ask you to consider that whereas a head of cauliflower can fill a 9x13 roasting pan, once it's been dehydrated for two days it won't fill much more than a pint-sized Mason jar. Two tablespoons of olive oil on a head of cauliflower doesn't sound like much; it isn't much over a 9x13 pan. In fact, you have to really stir to get all the florets coated. Spread over a volume that fits in a pint jar, two tablespoons of olive oil, which does not dehydrate down, is a lot. Such a different mouth-feel, then, and a whole different niche in the eating experience; think garnish sprinkled on soup rather than part of the soup itself; think little appetizer nibbles rather than crudites. Nothing like popcorn whatsoever; another whole iteration of the salty-oily-dry snack. (Plus I don't really like popcorn and I do like this!) The process is exactly the same as that for making kale chips; cauliflower and kale are, in fact, different cultivars of a single species; this is just an extension of the same idea.
I will tell you that the first time I made them, I set the jar outside, which effectively meant "in the freezer" and that I really enjoyed the additional crunch so imparted; that I recoiled in horror at the realization that I was also enjoying the texture and mouthfeel of the frozen oil, and decided never to make them again. That I am now about to make my third batch (albeit over a period of almost six months (wow, it's been that long I've been carrying this post around!!)).

One medium-sized head of cauliflower
Two tablespoons each: extra virgin olive oil, nutritional yeast, chili powder.
Pinch of salt, up to a half teaspoon (depending on how much is in your chili powder)

Break the cauliflower into florets. Put the spices and oil in a bowl with the cauliflower and stir everything together--you can massage with your hands, or use a wooden spoon.
Now, Either
Roast in a 350 degree oven for approx. 45 minutes
Or
Dehydrate. Start at 145, turn down to 118 after the first couple hours. Let dehydrate until they are fully dry and crispy--depending on your locale's humidity, this will take something around two days (!)
If you don't have a dehydrator, you could try the oven, but it would have to be a very low temperature oven; otherwise you'd end up with, well, roasted cauliflower!
I might add that whereas it's easy to dress up the roasted cauliflower, as in the picture above, it's the caulflower chips that actually need more help presentation-wise. They've been my guilty pleasure eked out over the past several months because I haven't been able to come up with a way to present them visually to people I know, except in some underwhelming way like sprinkled on a salad. Presentation's just not my forte, and were I a food blogger, it should be.
And finally, for a really good example of passionate, practical, flexible food blogging from an avowed cauliflower lover, you should take a look at Amber's blog

OK. How did I do? Are you grossed out by the very concept, or do you get that it's something delicious in an odd, quirky way you might enjoy too?