Needing Some Extra Prompting...

Today's Prompt:

“I wish this gizmo could track my condition!” Write about which device, application, program, etc. you wish helped to track your health.

When I first saw this prompt, I couldn't imagine what I might write about it. All I could think about was that just like blind and deaf people sometimes have service dogs, some epileptics have a service dog that can sense if they're about to have a seizure and prompt them to get to somewhere safe. All I could think was that I should have something like that too. Well, as we tick-tock past midnight even here in the far far west, I'm going to run with that idea. The mood-stabilizing meds I take were even developed originally as anti-seizure meds, and funny Dr L. at Foie Gras Farm thinks bipolar--and other conditions too--are really seizures, as mentioned before.

And it turns out I received two indicators today that I really could use some sort of seeing-eye dog gizmo--on my phone, on which I rely a fair amount, or somehow implanted in my psyche. I received two messages today that I need some better moment-to-moment oversight and reality check. Namely, I had negative feedback on my work from two different employers today, both of them on work I'd done precisely when I was off my meds last week.

The translation job was no big deal, not really about quality of work. Translators submit work done in batches, and I had accidentally submitted several entries I hadn't actually done. So those got sent back to me, I translated them, submitted them, and all was well. But it was still a boo-boo.

Worse was my editing work, where I had missed some stuff I'm paid to notice and fix. Which then reminded me of a mistake I'd made in another document as well. It's extremely important to me to be meticulous with my editing, both because it's extremely important to me that my client have a flawless product and (obviously) for my own self-esteem and sense of worth. It's not okay that I provide a service that's inferior in quality. What makes it even worse is that this particular editing is work I'm subcontracting for a friend. Working for a friend, having a 'boss-employee' relationship superimposed on a 'friends' relationship, is an act of faith and courage for both of us. When I fall short of my high self-imposed standards, I'm letting down a friend as well as a boss. When my friend, who is extraordinarily good at what she does and also has extremely high precision standards, receives substandard work from me, she has to avoid judging me as a person as well as an employer. Thankfully, my friend is one of the best people I've ever known at compartmentalizing, but I still have the fear of showing up in a bad light.

What should I have done? Should I just have not worked while I was crazy? I'd have had the long journey as excuse, even though everyone knows I don't get jetlag and am a phenomenally good traveler. Obviously, I should have stayed on my meds. 

As I've been gathering together my things for my semi-long trip to GA coming up so soon now, I found in a drawer a sticky note from my naturopath from years ago reminding me that everyone with bipolar decides to go off their meds and that it's a bad idea. So, some sort of seeing-eye dog that forces on my awareness the content of my naturopath's note and follows through on it. And then if I still go off them, or if I have an episode even when I'm on them (as happens), this gizmo, this virtual seeing-eye dog, will remove me to a safe place, away from old beat-up vehicles, sharp knives, work I won't be able to do to my standards, and other dangerous objects.

Source: http://www.myaudioschool.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/FLS-Drop-of-Water-falling-from-a-piece-of-ice-photo-released-to-public-domain-by-its-creator-Jonas-Bergsten.jpg

So, how about some context and compassion? I am leaving tomorrow at 7am. I'll be in Anchorage for two days, floating around, and then will fly to GA for three weeks plus. When I get back here, I'm moving. So I've been tidying, gathering, consolidating, packing, shopping...and also had a therapy appointment, a meeting, and several important errands. Additionally, I've been working on two editing jobs, one in MLA, one in APA, two different computers going. It's been crazy. I have done so well not melting down. I have done so much today and am not done yet. I may make one or two mistakes I wouldn't normally make in my editing, although I cringe to think that. I will do my best. And at 6 tomorrow morning--this morning by now--I will have had some sleep, and I won't have more than twenty minutes of stuff to do before I'm out the door and on the road. Don't I deserve some compassion? And a sensing gizmo?