Technology Worries and "Rethinking Bananas" Bean Smoothie

A couple nights ago, after a couple hours away from the computer, I went to look at my email and got this:

 "Your account has been disabled." With a suggestion that this usually happens if you violate the terms of service, i.e. "It's your fault, now stand in the corner and think about what you've done." My blog is a gmail item, so I was locked out of that too. I work regularly on more than one computer, so I rely on google docs a lot to transfer files back and forth. Many of my work contacts are only saved within gmail, as are many of my social contacts.

Panicking, I filled out the "contact us" form, please please please, and spent an anxious night. Next morning, everything was working again, with an apology from the gmail team but no explanation.

I've moved away from living in the jungle, eschewing all technology, back toward the 21st century, appreciating and celebrating the magic of connection, the ability to present and share my work, the possibility of being employed by people on the other side of the world. But that sudden removal of my account, my fast-track into the world of connection, really scared me. Reconnected me with the paranoia in the Hawaiian jungle, where many people think that the net and everything else is soon going to disappear and it'll be back to the Stone Age.

I'm going to take the time to record some of my more important contact addresses somewhere other than gmail, back up my files somewhere non-cloud, and think about moving my blog. Any other advice, friends?

The next morning, our heater quit working.

 This small, ugly, oil-fueled heater is probably older than me--it's not the first time the heater has just stopped working. There have been times when it was below zero outside, and we were in down coats and blankets indoors. It didn't even quite freeze the last few nights because we're having a south wind storm, so we weren't too terribly cold--but on the heels of my email panic, it surely reminded me of all that we rely upon to survive and to reach out--and reminded me not to take it for granted.

It makes me anxious, living in this cold place. I don't see myself lighting fires in this cabin!

Moving away from anxieties toward something for which I have been finding creative solutions, I want to talk about rethinking bananas. Don't get me wrong--I love bananas. In my fruitarian years, my typical lunch was four bananas. Many bananas every day. Raw foodists and vegans in particular love bananas because of their texture, which binds things together; their sweetness, their robustness which isn't heavy.

I've posted many recipes involving bananas here, although given how much I love smoothies, my smoothies throughout the history of the blog haven't been quite so banana-heavy because of all the months that I was avoiding all sugar. Lately, bananas have been on the menu and, for some time this summer, I even went back to the old 'four bananas=lunch' a few times. However, I've been noticing that I often don't feel too good after I eat them. It seems like I don't feel so bad if I eat them for breakfast, although it might increase my post-breakfast nausea, but is much worse if I eat them for lunch or later.

So--I had many other banana alternatives for a smoothie. There's irish moss, if I wanted to keep it raw, which provides the texture but not much flavor. There's pumpkin, especially this time of year! There's applesauce. Both of those add some flavor and texture, make the smoothie thicker and yummier. But I wasn't wedded to having this smoothie be entirely raw, and I was looking for something that offered more protein.

I had some adzuki beans left over from the bean-beet stew with shiitakes, and I felt like continuing the purple theme--and it was great! Adzuki beans are some of the sweetest beans, so this was probably a good place to start. Trust me--it was _really_ good! Satiating with protein, sweet and refreshing with berries and melon, good coconuttiness and omega-3s from flax.


Purple Protein Smoothie (vegan, high raw)
1 cup coconut milk (I used half coconut milk, half coconut kefir whey)
1/3 cup cooked adzuki beans, cold
scoop of protein powder (optional)
1 cup frozen watermelon (bye bye, summer)
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1-2 dried figs
1 teaspoon lecithin
1 teaspoon flax meal
stevia, if desired

Blend all together and enjoy!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on technology, how much we rely on it and how stable it is. And I have two blogger-tribute food posts coming up soon.

Rethinking Multitasking, Time-of-Month Herbal Relief, New Herbal Projects

This morning, I was watching an interview with Georges Batailles on Ron Silliman's blog. It's a fascinating nine-minute clip, in French with English subtitles, on the relationship between literature and evil, and a certain infantilism at the root of literature, and evil--and eroticism too. Definitely worth a watch.

As often, while I was watching, I started to multitask, which in this case meant working on my translation job, which involves Ancient Greek, Italian, and English.

 After a couple of minutes, I was frustrated with my rusty French; I was having trouble following the French audio while looking at the other screen and translating Greek and Italian. It didn't take me long to realize how silly this was--Greek, Italian and English is enough of a juggle, and just because the French (on a completely different topic) was audio, doesn't mean that I could process it all simultaneously. And considering that I only formally studied French for three years in Junior High, my French is darn good.

But I need to rethink my multitasking. My computer crashed yesterday, as I mentioned, probably because it had 30 different browser windows open, some with audio or video trying to load. Oh, and don't forget tabs--multiple tabs in several of those windows! It's ridiculous, it displays a lack of trust that I'll be able to find whatever it was again, and it adds to my anxiety (as Phil points out whenever I walk through the cabin trying to balance fifteen jars in my two hands).

I realize that the urge to multitask on the computer is a failure to recognize the lesson I learned yesterday: "asynchronous is still real life."
My computer nook is this tiny space, the only spot in the cabin without a view at its center.

 And so it's tempting to see everything that happens on that screen as part of a single, separate universe unto itself, not 'real life.'

The reality is, this is my office where I go to work. It's my communications center where I keep in touch with people. It's my entertainment center, my encyclopedia, and to some degree, my department store. Those are all very real things that I care about. Having them all simultaneously present on a thirteen-inch screen doesn't mean I can deal with them as they deserve, and as I deserve, all at the same time.

One thing I don't do in this space is my creative writing. That happens longhand for a long time, and then I type it up on my little netbook, not connected to the internet (unless I'm sending some work off), sitting somewhere where I can see out.

"Asynchronous" means "not at the same time." I think I would advise anyone that something received asynchronously (i.e. not face-to-face) deserves just as much time and attention as if it were a face-to-face transaction. Apparently, I know that instinctively when it comes to my creative writing.

Anyone else had issues toning down the multitask?

I made some progress organizing the kitchen today, and found a folder buried in there full of my bodywork and healing arts certifications!

Strange flashback to a very different time in my life.

I also organized my herbs, and realized that I have an awful lot of herbs--some of them purchased, many of them wildcrafted or specially grown. It's that time of the month when I'm wise to be drinking lots of raspberry leaf, ginger, parsley root, licorice infusions, which reminds me to go harvest some raspberry leaves before they all go away and save the roots from my parsley plants before the ground freezes. Another wonderful thing for this time of the month is tincture of Chinese Angelica (aka Dong Quai). It helps with PMS, both physical and emotional symptoms, and it really helps with cramps, especially in conjunction with the infusions. Oh, and a day off from strenuous exercise is a fine idea--I did a 30-minute abs workout on day 1 of my period a few months ago and definitely felt how bad an idea that was for the rest of the day!

I haven't been doing much with my herbs lately--haven't even been making kombucha! So I've decided to do one new herb project every week. It needn't be a big thing, could just be trying a different tea combination.

For now, I have two tinctures on the go. (The excipient is simply cheap vodka.)

On the left is a milk thistle seed tincture (it'll be ready in just over a week), for liver support.
On the right is a tincture of a combination of hops and peppermint (both from the farm in Oregon) and some chamomile flowers. This will be a calming, sedative remedy. Part of the active ingredient in hops is water-soluble, so I'll probably combine this tincture (which has two weeks to go) with a reduced infusion made into a syrup for preservation purposes.

Hops taste nasty, so it's worth all this effort! Down in Oregon, Phil has been known to eat one whole hop flower at bedtime to help with insomnia, but it's not a pleasant way to get the benefit. I have read that if you're depression-prone, hops isn't a good choice for a calming remedy, so this may be just for Phil).

Do you enjoy playing with herbs/have any particular herbs that help you?

Heading to the Farm - The View From Here/Up For This Week - Communication and Preconceptions - Reflections on Self-Love: One Life

The View From Here

We love our beach hikes! I've shared before Phil's avid harvesting of seaweeds as fertilizer for our garden beds - 

- and today I picked up some dulse from the tideline, hoping to dry and eat it.

Something that makes us sad when we hike on the beach is seeing the stuff that gets dumped there. Anything that my Herculean husband can lift, we haul out…

… but this gutted-out ATM machine was just too darn heavy!

It's getting quite cold here now, and we have less than a week left before we go down to Oregon to stay on the family farm, visit Phil's mom and family, help out with harvest, firewood, etc. 

I'm worried absolutely sick.

When I first went to the farm with Phil, I'd been living on communal farms in Hawaii for several years, where the ability to see what needed doing and get on and do it was prized, and where things were generally quite rough and ready. That was the preconception from which I came, and the way that I understood things. Unfortunately, that did not equip me to hear subtly phrased comments like 'that's not how we do this here.' In my Hawaii background, that would mean 'let's have a conversation, how do you do it?' But almost everywhere else, it means that you're not doing it the way it's supposed to be done in someone else's place. So, although I was trying to listen well, I wasn't able to hear what I needed to hear.  

Have you ever been in a situation where you think you're understanding what someone says, but actually what they're implying is completely different? Or have you tried to tell someone something and been frustrated that they simply don't get it?

I've learned better over the last couple of years, but have still not gotten it right.  I am periodically eaten up with remorse, guilt, shame, grief for the offense caused by my misunderstanding, and by fear that I'll somehow make too much mess or do something wrong this next time. I feel like I can't trust myself. I also feel anxiety over my very real need to control my own food in a place where I don't have kitchen access. 

So, how does this fit in with today's reflection on self-love? Tina talks about how we have to seize the day - there's no point in wasting our life on the small things. In order to live life to the full, we have to love ourselves. She says, "if we want to live the most fulfilling and satisfied lives as possible we need to love ourselves. We can waste our lives away with worry, regret, doubt, and negativity. We can spend too much time concerned with trivial matters of what size pants we wear or what other people think of our hopes and dreams." Tina asks, "What can you focus on today so that you end your day knowing you cultivated your best life? What should you ignore that tries to rob you of joy?"

Well, wow. I think I have the answer to that question. I'm preventing myself from focusing on enjoying the gorgeous colors and objects around us, as well as the people around me, by worrying over something in the past, and something else in the future. 

I worried myself crazy over my Fairbanks trip in July and had a wonderful time. Things are often not as bad as I think they will be. I used to work so hard at the farm that I didn't have the energy to pay extra attention to people's subtle communications or clean up fast enough. This time, I can resolve to treat myself with more respect so that I'm not running myself into the ground and unable to be attentive. I can resolve to keep smiling, keep listening, keep paying attention, and be constantly respectful and sensitive. I know that I know how to do that! I can prepare as much food for myself in advance of the trip, take my little hand-blender to make smoothies in our bedroom if need be, and just relax. I can put this whole pain of anxiety aside and go into the situation determined that things will go well.

Up For This Week

I'm going to continue to make kraut and pesto, and other things to use up the last of the garden goodness. It's supposed to get close to freezing here this week, and will be pretty thoroughly frozen by the time we get back in October!

I'm going to keep on sharing the message of self-love. Yes, I've been in a funk the last few days, but I think it's still lifted me above where I might have been with it.

I'll write whatever else I can make time for in here, about gardening, adventures, words, etc.

love to all.

Fourth of July, Anxiety, Mercury, Hiking in the Hills

Happy Fourth of July! It was brilliantly blue-skied here early morning, but turned into a muggy, overcast kind of day that Phil considers great hiking weather - so it's perfect that we'd planned a hike for this afternoon. I'm at Safeway, where we came post-hike to fill our water-containers - Safeway, ubiquitously open and busy with people even on a Sunday-holiday-day.

Sometimes people have a greater degree of muscle fatigue two days after a major workout than they do directly after: I'm wondering whether my emotional and energetic perturbation of today, two days after my huge-drive-day, is a species of that. I've been feeling a sense of almost flat-out panic all day, as if I'd drunk a whole jug of strong coffee (and I've had nothing close to caffeine, not even cacao, in a couple weeks). There's just no time to do anything, is what it feels like.

What to do when feeling like that? We lay in until 8am, and by the time I was up and fixing breakfast, I was so low-blood-sugared that I was just losing it, and never quite recovered. It's an awkward bind, having so little leeway in bodyclock schedule. And there's so much shame around it for me too, after all those years that I'd just push myself on, often not eat breakfast until noon, etc. Phil was so sweet, held me and hugged me and encouraged me to plan details of my Fairbanks trip two weeks hence to mitigate some of that anxiety.

I found myself singing 'Love Invincible' from Michael Franti's 'Everyone Deserves Music.' which was right on for that. Sometimes singing helps just per se. Any other advice on how to come down from crazymind?

Like I said, it could just be slightly delayed reaction to the kind of trip that's probably pushing 'too much' for me at the moment. I think that the mercury chelation I'm currently undergoing is also affecting my mood. Twelve weeks of it to go - good to try it out at home to see whether I could do it when in Fairbanks or if it would spoil my time there!

For our hike in the hills, we followed one of Phil's favorite winter ski trails. It's just a few hundred feet higher than where we live, but in this zone of intense microclimates there are many plants that are less 'far along' than where we are - dandelions still flowering, roses just budding. Also, some plants that we don't even have. We took it at a fairly leisurely pace and we both enjoyed stopping and taking pictures with our new camera.

Since we probably need to go home and continue insulating the ceiling of our cabin, I'm not going to try and post them all but here are a few.

These don't even grow where we live: they are a gorgeous little trailing native berry called nagoonberry (cool name too!) - just flowering here:

In late August, they make delicious, sweet-tart berries, a little like raspberries but better, but so tiny and sparse!

At the opposite end of the scale from edibles, this false hellebore is a potent neurotixin but looks like a beautiful sculpture:

We passed a few abandoned homesteads back of beyond there, and an inhabited homestead with a tepee in front and what looked like a big garden. This old homestead wasn't old enough to lack a power hookup, but looks pretty dilapidated - check out the bent chimney!

Love and happiness to everyone -  I have to go.