21-Day Sugar Detox Day 21: The Number One Gift, and What I'm "Going Back To."

It's day 21 of the 21-Day Sugar Detox. Technically, I could "break" it tonight, since I started it, Jewish-style, the evening before day 1. But I'm in no hurry to break it! In fact, I'm loath to disturb the goodness. 
Cravings?
Which is interesting, considering that going into it (I wrote about the "why" here) I was worried enough about cravings and habitual non-caloric "crutches" like chewable vitamin C and xylitol mints that I made an "insteads" chart to put up in the kitchen...

...as well as a long list of my "big whys" for doing the detox prominent on my bulletin board in the bedroom that I see while I'm rebounding in the morning. 
I thought I'd miss those things. I thought I'd miss stevia/xylitol/erythritol in my teas and smoothies. I thought I'd miss fruit.
But the cravings I was experiencing on a daily basis, before I went on the detox, were far worse!
As it turned out, I was fine with no stevia in my teas and I was surprised by how good my smoothies, even without fruit, could taste with no stevia or erythritol. I'm a spice-ist, though, and cinnamon and its friends were my friends.
I didn't miss the xylitol mints, etc., because I wasn't hungry all the time--I didn't need them to distract the hunger. This, even though I was eating even fewer calories.
And I didn't miss the fruit. The detox allows for one per day: grapefruit, green apple, or green-tipped banana. I can't do bananas (and thought it a very strange inclusion), but I was fine with green apples and grapefruit--both are detoxing to the liver, which seemed appropriate. I had grapefruit for the first half and green apples for the second half, but I still have half the bag of apples--I didn't even have fruit every day! And I did limit my beloved carrots also.
The one thing I did crave, calling myself out here, was the last item mentioned on my "insteads" list; a food item I really had no business ever eating in the first place. It's a chocolate-covered soy protein bar with sea salt. God knows why I bought it one day a few months ago: nothing about it would appeal to me in my right mind (I don't tolerate soy well, it has way too much sugar, and chocolate+sugar is a terrible idea for me). But in those couple months of alternate-day fasting, sometimes I'd break a longish fast with a piece of fruit, stressed, out running errands, and my blood sugar and hunger and anxiety would go through the roof and I'd end up eating something normally beyond the pale. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon, but in my life it's pretty unique. Even knowing that this happens to other people, I'm still boggled by my craving for that stupid bar. On day 4 of the detox, it was almost overwhelming, but day 4 was also the day it came clear just how much better my digestive issues were already, so I had some pretty darn good motivation to battle the craving.
The Number One Gift From the Detox
So yes, by day 4 --just Four Short Days! -- my gut issues were mostly better. They're not 100% "fixed," which makes total sense, but the transit-time/motility issues are basically resolved at this point (and were basically fine from day 4 on); I'm sleeping better, without the intense nausea and bloating. I still have more gas than I'd like, but it's actually moving through now rather than just doubling me over.
Other positive things, too, but the overall gift of the process I can sum up in a single word:
Clarity -- in so many respects. Going into this intentional process allowed me to acknowledge things I already knew but was in denial about, which liberated me to choose what works for me rather than cling to ideals. 
-- No more Garden of Eden. I was able to let go of my idealistic adoration of fruit and acknowledge that, bizarre as it may sound, fruit has always tended to constipate me, even in my fruitarian days! And if fruit does that, surely sugar would do so even worse.
-- Much more conscious eating, none of the crazy breaking-long-fast-while-running-errands scenario described above.
-- Clarity of skin. In my fruitarian days my skin was broken out about half the time. It's been consistently quite broken out for the past several months. But these past 21 days, it's cleared right up (although just today, the final day, I suddenly have one or two zits). I might have expected my skin to be worse during a detox. Once again, the clarity to acknowledge that it seems probable that in my leaky-gutted body all kinds of sugar (yes, including fruit) break out my skin.
-- Clarity to experiment. I'd always gone by the rule of "eat fruit first." But my obsessive blood sugar checking started from the observation that I'd break my fast with some fruit and feel hungrier, not satiated. And yet "eat fruit first" was an article of faith. But during the detox, I experimented with the other recommendation floating around, that if you're going to eat fruit (or a bunch of carbs in general), it's a better match for circadian hormone fluctuation if you eat it in the evening. I found that worked well for me, and meshed well with:
-- Clarity to make changes--with all the fasting, I was tending to eat more late in the evening. Having my fruit in the evening went along with noticing that an earlier, lighter dinner helped with my sleep and general level of comfort in my body.
-- Clarity: Hello! I'd noticed a while ago that fruit makes me hungrier. So then I go eat more fruit, and eat it first? And my m.o. is to eat as little as possible? (I do torture myself sometimes.) Yes, instead I got to be so much more satiated, on less food, without all those cravings I was having, without lots of chewable vitamin C that probably has questionable ingredients to hold it together.
-- Clarity: what a waste of money to buy foods that make me sick and then spend more money buying the most expensive enzymes, which helped just a little bit if I took them by the handful. Isn't that stupid? Don't eat the food, you don't need so many expensive enzymes, doh! 

What I'm "Going Back To" and What I'm Keeping
As I said at the top, I'm a little cautious about changing anything much. And since the only thing I really missed was what I described as a "completely inappropriate object of craving"--something I know is not good for me and never truly want to put in my body, I don't feel compelled to rush back to anything.
-- I probably will add back in pure stevia, erythritol, xylitol, and small amounts of raw honey because my honest experience is that they all work in my body, although I understand the rationale of leaving them out for the detox to reset tastebuds. But I'll use them a lot less. Where my smoothies used to have both stevia and erythritol and fruit (and, honestly, some pretty bitter ingredients too), I imagine I'll use a little of just one of those sweeteners, if any.
-- My Sunwarrior pea protein powder will come back into the mix (it was out because it contains some stevia) because it feels good in my body and it's convenient.

-- I imagine there will be room for the odd xylitol mint and chewable vitamin C and zevia soda. But if I continue to feel so satiated and free of cravings, there won't be much need for them
-- Oh, I'll be glad to put berries in my smoothies again--probably in the evenings, though. And I'll be happy to enjoy some of the local fruit. My favorite farmers at the farmers' market have many kinds of organic heirloom melon, some of which are new to me (and I'm a huge fruit nerd, remember, so that's saying something), and there's other farmers with local peaches and apples (we're at that magical cusp of summer and fall with both peaches and apples). But I expect I'll be cautious and strategic about the fruit. I'm no longer in a phase of life where it's normal to eat the whole melon.
Here's what it is: I'm not "Going Back To" -- I'm "Going Forward To"! 
ONWARD!!
Note: I'd be remiss not to review the detox itself. I will do so, but I'll give that its own space--this post has already gotten quite long. I hope it's helpful to anyone contemplating this detox.

Is Raw Food Preparation Really That Much Work?

All Good Food Takes Time To Prepare - It's Worth It!

Fitting in and Cooking for Two...

When I first joined Phil's family, I refused to allow myself to even consider remaining on raw foods because it was so very much other than what they all ate. I felt like enough of an outsider already without feeling like I was creating a lot of extra work and kitchen drama (again, my difficulty with claiming 'special needs' for myself). For various reasons, I was disillusioned with Raw Foods at the time, and sensitive to the oft-heard slur that raw foodists were obsessive and spent way too much time in the kitchen. This is a slur that I now want to put to rest.

Over the past year, I started out by trying to prepare the same food for both of us, as far as possible, thinking that I could eat a subset of what Phil and friends/family eat - I could have veggies and meat/fish, and then make all the extra starch/bread/potatoes/cakes for them.

It turned out to be very hard to do this. If I fixed food the way I liked it, it wasn't the way he liked it, which is mostly template and upbringing and familiarity. Texture and even color are so important to him, with some very specific spice preferences also. So, I tried to change my preferences (beyond the global change from raw vegan to omnivore), and learned to fix food as he likes it best. This has been a truly mind-expanding learning experience and has broadened my abilities as a chef immeasurably, and he is a wonderful critic in terms of giving helpful feedback. But it has not worked out as a way of feeding myself.

Epiphany

As my health continued to deteriorate, last summer and fall I began to entertain the possibility that I might have to 'fix my own food separately.' Seems like a no-brainer but for some reason this has always been hard for me. In fact, not having to fix food at all was one of the main reasons why I was so drawn to the 80-10-10/Natural Hygiene approach to begin with. It's ridiculous, because I love to prepare food more than almost anything else: but (until just recently) only for other people. It started with making 'energy bars' for camping trips: Phil's and mine have always been different because I can't have oats or whey or honey (which are three of the basic ingredients in the ones I make him). Salads started becoming a larger component of the meal, and nowadays often all that's 'special for me' is some extra avocado and spirulina with the salad. The epiphany that arrived with the realization that I might need to make food specially for myself was that if I was doing that anyway, I might as well make myself raw foods!

Raw Food Prep Does Not Take Longer

Now, then, having slid back into raw foods and feeling better than I've felt for over a year, I have a solid refresher in cooking and a regular practice of it too. And I have to say: if you're going to cook good food well, it's easily as time-consuming as preparing raw food: sometimes more so! In fact, I'm pretty sure that the way I'm doing things at the moment - cooking for Phil and preparing raw food for myself - is far less time-consuming than if I were cooking two separate things. Preparation and organization are the key in both instances. It's true that dehydrating can take up to a couple of days, but it's a very different process than baking (the end product is far more stable and with more nutrients intact) and worthwhile in a lot of ways. But kneading bread takes quite some time! Up here in the cold, the sourdough bread often needs overnight to rise. I wouldn't consider cooking grains or beans without overnight soaking and then crockpotting for many hours. Some of the less tender cuts of game animals here need to be roasted for many hours. I'm all about extracting all the broth (gelatin, hydrophilic minerals) I can from bones, which requires low-temperature simmering for many hours. If you want the food to taste good and be well digested, it needs time and your attention and energy to be at its best, whether it's raw or cooked food. In fact, most day-to-day raw food preparation is far quicker.

All that said, it's true (as I said above) that I often go super-simple avocado/spirulina/salad. This is partly my own laziness when coordinating the dance with the cooking that I'm doing, and partly because we don't have running water here, which makes cleanup hard enough to put me off making elaborate things every day. I also don't have a high-speed blender, which would make many things within much quicker reach. Still, I make nut milk every few days and it takes about five minutes. In fact, every time I decide to blend up something more 'fancy,' I am enthused by how quickly it can be done.

Take Time To Prepare Good Food, Whatever You Believe is Healthy

In food preparation as in the rest of life, it's ideal to find a balance between preparedness and spontaneity. However, with all the potentially harmful choices available to us in our current 'natural environment,' preparedness is more essential around food and eating, and obtaining clean water, than in many other areas of life. Part of the gift of finding myself in complement to Phil rather than trying to emulate him in every way has been allowing myself to recognize that the above is part of my belief system and that therefore I am committed to being prepared food-wise, so that I can be my best. And in good Pyrrhonian style, I recognize that that isn't so much a part of his belief system, so when he goes out and eats a bunch of candy I need to step away from that as much as I can, allow his own belief system to take care of him there, and suspend judgment.

But that is the real issue: it's not about 'going raw' versus eating cooked food, or 'going vegan' or 'gluten free,' or whatever other non-mainstream choices. If you are going to take responsibility for your health via taking responsibility for your diet, no matter which diet you choose to help you in this, it is going to be more work than buying packages at the store - although, of course, there are very many delicious things that can be prepared in minutes too. Eating out is also going to require more consciousness and vigilance.

It is so empowering to prepare your own food from scratch, which often includes growing the plant/sprout/fruit/root and harvesting it (ensuring you take care of the soil also), hunting the bear, catching the fish. The food is fresher and healthier, you are in closer communion with it and are avoiding all kinds of additives and preservatives, as well as the packaging and shipping costs of getting the food to your store. Note 1: I'm not going to say that it's necessarily a big financial saving: going fishing can be very expensive between motor fuel/bait/equipment, and depending on how much amendment and irrigation your soil needs, growing food has its own cost too. Note 2: I am far from perfect in this regard, and am having to surrender my ideal of eating locally on a constant basis. I'm buying spirulina, avos, veggies whilst we have a freezer full of fish, clams, bear meat from our summer activities - but I'm feeling exponentially better now than when I was trying to base myself off of that…

But even if you buy all of your food, buying raw materials (rather than prepared foods) and preparing them to the taste of yourself and your family is both more deeply nourishing and is a statement to the universe about what you think is important. (And of course, making up large batches, making stuff ahead of time, dehydrating or freezing leftovers, are all sensible timesavers within this.) I maintain that whether you are doing this as a raw-foodist or eating any other way designed to promote your health and integration with the environment beyond the mall, it is going to take more time.

I embrace that time as my gift to myself and to my family - and hope someday, some way, to share it further than that too.