Last Post; Parting Gifts

I'm sorry, that's a macabre pun, in British, at least. "Last Post" is the tune military bands play to honor the war dead. I'm at the Anchorage library wrapping up some editing jobs by the skin of my teeth, sending all-too-rough work for our MFA residency workshops in August prematurely, perforce; and taking a moment to give this beloved corner of my world some attention. 


Rather than focus on "last", I want to focus on gifts. So many gifts of loving words, thoughts, prayers, promises to write me, expressions of appreciation for my existence. So much treasure. I'm semi-consciously storing it up for the hard work to come, acutely aware that at this moment, I can barely take it in. Since my ticket was booked (only last Friday!), my busyness level has accelerated almost beyond what it was at semester's end, and I was ready to crash back then. So naturally, caffeine is back in the equation, sleep is largely gone, food intake likewise. But this time tomorrow, all the busyness will have been set aside and I'll be focused, full-time initially, on my health situation. I'll finally be facing how serious everyone says it is. And then, the gifts will sustain me.


Some non-verbal gifts also: I'm so happy to have seen Homer's first farmers' market of the year on Saturday. It's somewhat of a craft fair too, and one of our favorite artists was there in the rain. Scott Miller creates "wooden diamonds"--pendants made from salvaged wood, oyster and mussel shells, silver and other metals, and other salvaged, donated or scavenged items. Every 'diamond' is unique. Phil wanted to get me one as a parting gift, and I chose this one (which would have been his choice too, it turns out): 

Waterfall, as if from a bluff like ours; a tree; stars. It's so beautiful, so me, so expressive of our home. 
In the photo, it's sitting on a gorgeous blank journal another friend gifted me--always a perfect gift for me, and in my color too. Here it is again, below left, together with books given, loaned, or recommended me by writer friends.

I am taking good companions on my way with me. I'll stop there--I don't have a lot more to say, as I venture into the unknown. Except, what gift can I leave? The promise of more words, more love; the insight that life itself is a gift, although its time is beyond our control.

I will miss this blog, and all of you, so much. I promise I'll update when I can.
Much love,
Ela

Driving on Ice--Fear! Accident Prone?

In a dangerous situation, if you had to choose between an able-bodied novice and a slightly crippled expert to be your pilot, which would you pick?

I think most people would choose the expert, right? It was that thinking that helped me not to feel too humiliated on the way home from Anchorage, when I had to pull the truck over in the dark and pouring rain, on the icy road, and let temporarily-one-eyed Phil take over the wheel. He's been driving on ice since before I was born, and this is only my second year of doing so. Even though there was little traffic on the road, everyone else was driving fast (part of the reason why there were so many wrecks on the road?) and I simply couldn't make myself go more than about 45mph. Even though my eyes are working fine and my night-vision is better than Phil's even on a good day, it was better to have him take over.

I was so scared! All the way to Anchorage on Sunday, driving on ice most of the way, I was so afraid, I felt sick to my stomach. There had been a couple inches of snow on the road, so with the recent warmer weather, the rain turned to ice as it hit the surface snow, and then got warmed and churned up by vehicles' wheels, and there was glare ice everywhere and constant little bumps and eminences and off-center ice-blobs to take just one wheel somewhere you didn't want it to go.  And I already mentioned the fast driving and the several badly mangled wrecks we saw en route.

How do you handle the kind of fear that is constant, persistent, impervious to reasoning and constantly being reinforced by the little slips and bumps and reminders that you're driving on a sheet of ice? Deep breathing helps a little bit.  Getting out onto the frozen lake and practicing getting the truck out of a spin helps a bit. I guess, like Averie mentioned recently, it's important to take on a learning curve. I always seem to be learning new things, and am living up here in a place that offers lots of new learning experiences. That's what mistakes are, right? As with most 'physical' things, I'm not a superstar as a driver, but on ordinary surfaces I'm perfectly good. Probably B+ rather than grade A, though. On ice, I'm not so hot. But if I can get to be a decent driver on ice, maybe it'll make my overall driving so much the better.

Any scary stories to share or any advice on how to do better besides practice-practice-practice? Or on how to overcome the fear?

Accident Prone?

I have to pay attention here, as we work through the winter and I continue to tweak diet and self-experiment. I used to be so very accident-prone, probably due to chronic undereating and then fruitarianism. When I started eating raw eggs, the problem went away blindingly quickly. Now, having been vegan once again for a year or so, I seem to be sliding toward accident prone a little this past few weeks.

It's not all my fault! These coffee beans all over the floor (yes, I can't stand coffee but I make it for Phil every day) were in the freezer compartment in a non-tempered jar and as soon as I grabbed the jar out, it broke everywhere!

Not the greatest start to the morning, and I'm glad that I quickly realized that the jar broke spontaneously, rather than beating up on myself for dropping it! I was left with the lid in my hand and shards of glass all over the inside of the fridge.

And then I busted my beloved paring knife that I've had since HI days breaking off some chocolate to melt...

Seriously busted--even the handle! Phil said even he has never broken one of those knives, and he's a notorious toolbuster. That's also not an 'accident-prone' thing, though: maybe just a little overzealous!

Now, the chocolate indulgence of the holiday season is one of my prime suspects for my current less-than-optimal coordination. I didn't eat much--as I shared here, I didn't have appetite for it. But I did eat a little chocolate every day for a good week or two, and that is too much and too often for me. So what was I doing busting my knife with chocolate?

Well, I was making another enormous batch of the chocolate fruit and nut bars from Sweet Gratitude, winging it and using slightly different ingredients as well as low-sugarizing it, for Phil's daughter.

I used dried blueberries instead of gojis, and oats and hazelnuts instead of almonds, and tweaked the ratio of other seeds a bit too. Part of the reason for the oats is just to balance the macronutrients a bit, and honestly part of the reason was so that I can't eat them! I can't do oats.

Do you ever purposely make a yummy treat that you can't have? (I loved these too much first time through in the Ela-friendly version).

Oh, but don't they look good? It's a gift that I know will be appreciated, and I'll probably save a few for Phil too, because he said they tasted great!

For myself, I'll see if laying off the chocolate and upping the algae helps with my general coordination. After many months of eating lots of spirulina and chlorella every day, I haven't been eating quite so much of them recently. I'll also continue to monitor how I feel with cutting way back on PUFAs (post to come about that soon) and eating more starch.
Any other suggestions?
Stay tuned for a product review!