I mentioned a couple posts ago that I had a story to tell about my Naturopath apologizing for having poisoned me, and yesterday I added that some recalibration is going to be necessary, healthwise and otherwise. I'll share more on that today, and also the recipe for this smoothie pictured yesterday.
When I went to see him last week, he took one look at the rash on my neck and chest and my puffy face and said, "You have to stop taking the ketoconazole. That's an allergic reaction: I'm sorry, I poisoned you." I hadn't known to what to attribute the water-bloat and emotional rollercoaster that I was experiencing, and he basically said that everything came down to the allergic reaction: everything was inflamed. So, I quit taking the nasty stuff and have been drinking as much liver-cleansing tea as I can hold. But a week later, I'm still puffy and broken out, so I may have to make a return visit.
I was impressed that he took such responsibility/blame for what had happened: that's kind of a dangerous admission to make! On the other hand, he takes responsibility for good stuff too: he'll say things like "I got rid of your mercury," etc, so I guess it's good that he takes responsibility for the bad stuff too. To be fair, I should probably have gone in two weeks earlier when I first called to express concern. I understand that health practitioners do the best they can.
This news should have been a huge relief and weight off my shoulders, but the rest of the session with him turned into a very serious talk about diet and nutrition, which, together with Phil's earnest feedback (thank goodness (and Phil) for Phil and the 'judgment from the outside' that he provides!) led me to conclude that my latest dietary experiment has not been a success. Such conclusions come very hard to me and it was the super-busy days leading up to the wedding, so it was an agonizing period. Plus, after your ND has told you he poisoned you, do you feel like trusting him?!
The Latest Experiment-Fail --I mentioned some other cognitive dissonance with my ND's recommendations and my own findings a few weeks ago. I listed better digestion, greater stamina and reduced anxiety as positive effects of having introduced carbs and reduced fat in my diet. What I may not have said explicitly was that for the past three months, I've almost eliminated fat entirely, and have been eating mostly fruit with some greens and starchy veg (with occasional exceptions). Back then, my ND insisted that I should not reduce my fat: that it's important for someone with the kinds of hormonal problems I've had to eat enough good fat, and I took issue with it. At this point, I'm seeing that while reducing fat somewhat to make room for starch was a good thing, cutting it out completely was not. And anyone who reads this blog will remind me that in doing that experiment, I was flying in the face of "finding #6" in my "Nutritional Research: This much I have Learned" post: "attempting to exclude a macronutrient group completely will not yield good long-term results."
Phil had a lot to say about it, poor guy: he'd been suffering from the effects of this experiment too (as well as all the stress I take on when we have company, and the craziness from being "poisoned"). Several of his observations gave me pause, because they reminded me of how I used to be the last time I was eating high-fruit: things like "manic and super-high-speed all the time, but in a fragile way, dropping and breaking more things." But his summation and conclusion was, "I just think you're happier when you eat some fat."
It's hard to admit you're wrong, isn't it? I hated listening to all that! I was so excited at the prospect of returning to the elusive 'purity' of eating mostly fruit, of relying on dates and juice when I needed something more dense, perhaps of forcing myself to become more "athletic." But I had to admit that my ND's suggestion that any time I restrict any kind of food, it's opening the way for the eating disorder to come back in (which felt like an accusation at the time, all my defensive feathers ruffled) was right on the mark.
An important, key secret to success on the high-fruit diet is to eat plenty, way lots of calories. I wasn't able to do it last time I ate high-fruit, and was hungry for several years (which I didn't mind at the time because I was super-skinny, but it took its toll). I haven't been able to do it this time either. In fact, I'd already gotten to the point that I was cutting back and back, feeling guilty if I ate another helping of something, etc.
So, I've eaten "some fat" the last couple days, and I do feel happier. Sure, they've been far less stressful days too, but the sense of physical anxiety and discomfort seems diminished.
Now what, then? I'm still not in the shape I want to be in, and apparently eliminating fat is not the right way to that nirvana for me. More exercise? Thankfully, I'm enjoying exercise at the moment, stepping it up, and I'm highly motivated not to make that into something pathological: it would be a bad idea to have another adrenal crash. So, accountability comes in. I would love to work with someone else (e.g. a blogger who is in training to be a fitness trainer) on my fitness goals, and blog about it! If that opportunity shows up, I think it would be awesome for all concerned.
I'll talk some more ideas about using my blog as a channel for accountability and general steering of my craft soon.
For now, this is getting long, so let me get to that smoothie! This was my move away from "fruit alone," but it had plenty of fruit in it. As so often, it was a transmogrification of leftovers: I had so many grapes left over from the wedding that I froze some, which I'd never done before.
Fruity Smoothie
1/2 cup water (I used half water, half aloe vera juice, trying to fix that rash, y'know)
1/4 cup irish moss gel
1 cup frozen grapes
1/2 cup frozen mango
1 banana
2 heaping teaspoons Lifetime Life's Basics Plant Protein Powder, 5 Fruit Blend
(my first try of it, start slow)1 heaping teaspoon spirulina
small handful goji berries
Blend all together really well and serve!
I love how the bits of grape-skin and goji berry make purple and red flecks in the green!
Would you like to hear me talk more about working on fitness, and about the food-mood connection? What are some things you have learned about how particular foods affect your body?
