Turning the Corner: Two Magic Potions, No More Soft-Pedaling

I've turned the corner!
- Memory: mostly back online
- Klutziness: diminished; some good predictive/evasive actions (but one big spill tonight)
- Energy: much better
- Breath: fine now

And my pen, my flagstaff, has been busy today.
All this clarity and increased energy has been helped by more calories and some quiet space, but it's--I've--received an additional quantum push from this magic potion:

Source: The Raw Food World

I've been hearing about Marine Phytoplankton and its amazing benefits for years. Plankton, whale food, tiniest plant organisms, are the ultimate, direct, bottom-of-foodchain source of those omega fatty acids for which people eat fish oil. Omega oils are so crucial for brain function (and are strongly recommended for people with things like bipolar, schizophrenia, and any depressive or psychotic tendencies). Plus, as an oceanic entity, it's going to be full of thyroid-supporting iodine and other trace minerals So, of course, this is a very expensive product! Out of my range...until recently it was on sale. Last Tuesday, I started taking just four drops with green powder in the mornings, and noticed a sharp difference by the next day. If you've ever had green juice, or wheatgrass, or one of those potions that give you a clear, ringing, bright energy that makes you feel positive and eager to engage with life, this stuff provides that feeling with an additional sense, physically felt too, of acuity in the brain.
I'm still noticing that increase in clarity and energy. Probably also helped me to step over the hurdle of these last couple days.
Holds Unbarred
I'd been panicking about the scale these last few days, distracted from what really needs to happen with the scale. That was the last holdout. I was eating more, but still backing off from my quantity-commitment, still scared to move forward. Then this morning, my therapist brought up the very real possibility I won't make the psych's ultimatum, and that she won't give me grace, and things will change very much. Up until now, I had not let myself imagine that scenario, even as I continued unable to ensure it wouldn't happen. I've been so afraid to move from where I am/was. Now I'm afraid not to get away/there soon enough.
So today, I ate more than I thought possible. (For perspective, I should confess that Phil, while very pleased, did not think it was a phenomenal amount.) I ate close to what I ate in treatment, quantity-wise; to where I'm lightheaded and it hurts. And I'll try for a night-time snack too, like I had to there. At least I can choose my food, which makes it far less unpleasant. Have some chocolate! Eat more honey (which I love, but quit eating when I quit beekeeping)! Actually eat some of those raw energy bars you always make and then stash in the freezer! 
I've got 'til Friday. Wish me luck. A birthday in the family and a packet deadline this week too. Big week!
Friends
The other 'magic potion' mentioned in the title is made of friends. Friends right here in town. Friends with whom I'm in touch via email and Skype. Friends on Facebook. Friends off the grid and out of range but still in heart connection. 
The umbilicus of gratitude.
This past Saturday, I Skyped in to a get-together of classmates from my school years in England. Most of us have known each other since age four or five, or even younger. It was so lovely to see five beautiful women in a room on the other side of the world, all so recognizable as their much younger selves, all enjoying each other and renewing shared stories now decades old.
My friend Rachel told me that her strongest association between me and food is a date with an almond in it. Yes! I was raised on those, I told her; also a pecan in a date. That's the candy my grandparents in Israel would give me, and I've offered it to my cousins' kids there now.
I Facebook posted this picture to Rachel today:

Yes, little almonds, big medjool date. You see the heart of it, though.
I ate the pecan one (!!!! first pecan in a long time) and left the almond one for Phil--sharing even when cramming=expanding, generous bigness.

Recalibrating: Fitness and Pleasure--Planning Two Challenges

Tomorrow, we're on the road again.

Today, though, I wanted to give a brief follow-up to yesterday's talk of recalibration, getting back on track, and using the blog for accountability, sharing and fun. I have two challenges in mind that I'd like to share here over the next few months (in addition, of course, to talk about my writing program!)

Fitness

I'm exploring the idea of working with another blogger and doing some sort of 'fitness challenge' that I'll post about. Since I leave for Tacoma for my MFA program residency in less than a week, however, it would probably be best to hold off until the second half of August when I get back. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, I know that for this body, "exercising more and eating less" is too simplistic, especially with my extremist tendencies. I've done that before and, depending on the time of my life, it's had one of the following outcomes:

-emaciation, despair, near-death

-slow results physically and emotional rockiness, followed by adrenal crash and chronic fatigue.

In order to get in shape, I will need to be consistent and accountable, both with the regularity of exercise and with regularity of rest and appropriate food. I know that giving my body the signal that it's under duress and starving is counterproductive. Other people's bodies might cope better: mine used to. It takes a toll that can't be reversed: the silver lining to that is that it becomes imperative to care for yourself and listen to your body when working on fitness.

This week, I've been doing more and more rebounding. I love my rebounder! (See this old post for pictures and our idiosyncratic way of storing it.) It's great to have a form of exercise that I really enjoy, and I'm always thinking up new moves to do on it. One possible "fitness challenge" would be to pursue a rebounder-based workout that's been rigorously designed, as opposed to my own improvisations.

Today, I've spent a total of 1 hour on the rebounder! (Three separate sessions.) In addition to being fun, it's also excellent for moving lymph, which may help to get rid of my current inflammatory situation. Well, it definitely "moves stuff:" let's just say I had to run for the outhouse each time I finished my session today! (Sorry tmi...) Yesterday and the day before, I spent less time rebounding, but also rode my bike.

I've also been doing the Five Tibetans, which I mentioned a while ago: I'm now up to fifteen reps of each pose, and throw in pushups and crunches too. I do that every morning first thing, no matter what. I've also been doing squat-jumps, pushups, crunches, planks at random times throughout the day. I intend that I'll continue to do these bodyweight exercises, and that I'll figure out some substitute for rebounding and biking while I'm away from here.

Pleasure in Food
Delighting in beauty and allowing our senses to give to us is surely one of the highest ways of being.

 And yet, it's too easy for me to sweep all pleasure out of my own esthetic zone with a big, bristly broom! I recently read about the connection between highly palatable and 'rewarding' foods and obesity. It makes total sense that 'industrially processed food in a competitive marketplace' is specifically designed to keep people eating, to the point that their satiation signals are overridden. The flaw in my follow-through was to extrapolate that I (who never eat processed food anyway and am not obese, even if I have more body-fat than I'm used to or comfortable with) should not eat any rewarding foods at all (except for plain fruit)--roasted veggies gave way to plain boiled, favorite spices and flavorings dropped out. Extremist much? It's been pointed out to me that if anything, my problem lies in allowing myself to enjoy palatable/rewarding foods. It's too easy for me to get my pleasure fix vicariously: create a goodie that's full of gluten and dairy, and enjoy everyone else's enjoyment while sipping on cleansing tea!

This is something about which I feel so conflicted: I'm not even sure that I want to change it. However, I was inspired by an older post by the wise and brilliant Gena to think that I should try something different. Since I think it might be fun, and I might learn something from it and share something in the process, I'm going to take on the challenge of preparing a 'rewarding/palatable' dish that's also Ela-friendly once a week, and blog about it here. This will be a dish that isn't of my creation, and I'm only allowed to do minimal recipe tweaking: no drastic 'healthifying' moves. I will draw inspiration from other blogs, from recipe books, and I might start with something from a handout of recipes for an 'elimination diet' that a doctor gave me years ago: it's very 'virtuous' and probably the least intimidating place I could start, but it's also designed to help people who are accustomed to 'regular' foods adjust to living with allergies, so it's supposed to be 'tasty food.' Let's just say, I've never made anything from it yet because there were too many ingredients I used to think were no-no's.

I will do my first post of this series before I leave for my residency next week. While I'm away and probably don't have the chance to prepare food, I'll try to buy some 'goodie' that I wouldn't normally dare to, and blog about that in lieu of a creation.

Sound like a plan?
I would love for this to be an interactive process: if you have a recipe that you'd like me to prepare and feature, please send it to me!
Likewise, if there's a fitness move you'd like me to work on, please send it in!
One more question: I've had to sew up my rebounder twice--it was a very cheap one--and I'm thinking I probably ought to spring for something higher-quality. Any ideas on the best kind of rebounder would be most warmly welcomed.
Much love.

My Birthday Party--and Pushing Myself

Happy March with rainbow sunsets and spring in the air!

There are so many thoughts, concepts, ideas and threads that I want to share on here, and then 'real life' has its own rhythms and events, and so this blog becomes a 'backlog!' To wit, yesterday was my birthday, and so my PUFA follow-up must wait until I've shared some delicious aftermaths of our little party yesterday and some thoughts and intentions that I'm working on for this 'new year' of mine.

Pushing Myself
I'm feeling the need to 'push myself' a bit, in a loving way: to move outside of my comfort zone at times and to show myself what I can do.  At one end of things, that means that today, I spent the whole morning "de-cluttering," accepting that even with the limitations of two fairly messy people living in a tiny cabin, clutter can be a sign of stuck energy and that attending to it might feel good. On a different note, remember that very tall (60ft) dead spruce tree we have, where the eagles like to perch, that's featured on here a few times?

Phil climbed and sat on top (right where that eagle is) around sunset a couple nights ago, and I decided that it was time I climbed it again: it's been ages since I did. So, I climbed most of the way up (didn't feel the need to dislodge Phil from the top), I stayed up there and watched the sunset, I got cold, I climbed back down again. But the rest of the story is that I was SCARED! I was aghast at how afraid I was, and a bit ashamed too: by the time I got back to the ground, my legs were shaking. It didn't help that I was cold and it didn't help that a half hour earlier I'd fallen on my butt hard on the ice, but sheesh--I used to climb coconut trees! I used to zip up this tree with no problem. What happened to me? On the other hand, I'm glad that I did it anyway: interesting how we can train ourselves out of fears, but when out of practice, they can resurface.

Other 'de-cluttering' and 'loving upheavals' include updating my resume, a writing class later this week, and more audio learning: I've been listening in to the Tapping World Summit these past days. I knew very little about Tapping before but I can tell that if I stick with it, it has the potential to be a very powerful transformational tool.

Party with 'Ela-Friendly Foods' Focus!
Our lovely friends and family suggested that the potluck theme for my party should be a plethora of 'Ela-friendly' foods! I was a little apprehensive at first, as I didn't want anyone to feel alienated (even vegetarianism is 'way out' here, let alone my further parameters) and so I was glad that there was a big pot of chilli with cheese and sour cream for those who need that kind of thing--but I didn't manage to take a picture of it!

Here's what we had:
a delightful Thai-spiced vegetable soup--it was so good...

...a beautiful green salad with lentils that were just delectable (I realized just last year that lentils may be my version of 'comfort food,' being what I was raised on, etc)...

Something I put together: wild rice soaked overnight, lightly cooked, tossed with a little coconut oil, peas, carrots, olives, fennel, lime juice and a little salt...

...a quinoa salad...

...two kinds of cornbread, one gluten free, one not (I was so spoiled for choice, I just had a crumb of the gluten free one, and it was good!)...

...and of course, I brought one of my green salads: this time with grapefruit, mung bean sprouts, avocado...

But best of all, of course, was dessert!

Mint-chip cheesecake from Sweet Gratitude. I had so much fun making this earlier in the day! I made it pretty much per the recipe, unusually for me, except that I used coconut nectar instead of agave, and added a little peppermint extract because I was using spearmint leaves and think peppermint is a better 'dessert' flavor. Oh, and I used mac nuts in place of almonds in the crust. That's really as close as I ever get to following a recipe!
My thriftstore cake pan is a little warped, and whaddaya know? I was gifted a set of three springform pans! I have some observant friends...I was also given an icing bag, and look forward to playing with that soon. And speaking of observant friends, I often bring a crockpot full of goodies to potlucks, and have arrived splattered with the contents after driving bumpy roads--well, I was given a 'portable crockpot' with a gasketed top and a special closing mechanism, so that it will be both more energy-efficient and portable without mishaps! Much gratitude...
Back to dessert, I finished the cheesecake with cacao nibs around the sides...

This piece was cut in half after the photograph was taken--everyone was already full! There were seven of us and we barely ate a third of the cake! Come over anytime...

Sweet Gratitude was an appropriate source and energy: I felt so sweetly grateful that everyone was so willing to accept and enjoy my arena of food choices, felt accepted, appreciated, loved and 'seen.' Thank you, everyone! I also want to thank my Mum for being my Mum: for my birthday last year, I wrote a post specifically thanking my Mum and acknowledging what an inspiration she is, and that's just as true this time around.