Today, though, I wanted to give a brief follow-up to yesterday's talk of recalibration, getting back on track, and using the blog for accountability, sharing and fun. I have two challenges in mind that I'd like to share here over the next few months (in addition, of course, to talk about my writing program!)
Fitness
I'm exploring the idea of working with another blogger and doing some sort of 'fitness challenge' that I'll post about. Since I leave for Tacoma for my MFA program residency in less than a week, however, it would probably be best to hold off until the second half of August when I get back. Stay tuned!
Meanwhile, I know that for this body, "exercising more and eating less" is too simplistic, especially with my extremist tendencies. I've done that before and, depending on the time of my life, it's had one of the following outcomes:
-emaciation, despair, near-death
-slow results physically and emotional rockiness, followed by adrenal crash and chronic fatigue.
In order to get in shape, I will need to be consistent and accountable, both with the regularity of exercise and with regularity of rest and appropriate food. I know that giving my body the signal that it's under duress and starving is counterproductive. Other people's bodies might cope better: mine used to. It takes a toll that can't be reversed: the silver lining to that is that it becomes imperative to care for yourself and listen to your body when working on fitness.
This week, I've been doing more and more rebounding. I love my rebounder! (See this old post for pictures and our idiosyncratic way of storing it.) It's great to have a form of exercise that I really enjoy, and I'm always thinking up new moves to do on it. One possible "fitness challenge" would be to pursue a rebounder-based workout that's been rigorously designed, as opposed to my own improvisations.
Today, I've spent a total of 1 hour on the rebounder! (Three separate sessions.) In addition to being fun, it's also excellent for moving lymph, which may help to get rid of my current inflammatory situation. Well, it definitely "moves stuff:" let's just say I had to run for the outhouse each time I finished my session today! (Sorry tmi...) Yesterday and the day before, I spent less time rebounding, but also rode my bike.
I've also been doing the Five Tibetans, which I mentioned a while ago: I'm now up to fifteen reps of each pose, and throw in pushups and crunches too. I do that every morning first thing, no matter what. I've also been doing squat-jumps, pushups, crunches, planks at random times throughout the day. I intend that I'll continue to do these bodyweight exercises, and that I'll figure out some substitute for rebounding and biking while I'm away from here.
Pleasure in Food
Delighting in beauty and allowing our senses to give to us is surely one of the highest ways of being.
This is something about which I feel so conflicted: I'm not even sure that I want to change it. However, I was inspired by an older post by the wise and brilliant Gena to think that I should try something different. Since I think it might be fun, and I might learn something from it and share something in the process, I'm going to take on the challenge of preparing a 'rewarding/palatable' dish that's also Ela-friendly once a week, and blog about it here. This will be a dish that isn't of my creation, and I'm only allowed to do minimal recipe tweaking: no drastic 'healthifying' moves. I will draw inspiration from other blogs, from recipe books, and I might start with something from a handout of recipes for an 'elimination diet' that a doctor gave me years ago: it's very 'virtuous' and probably the least intimidating place I could start, but it's also designed to help people who are accustomed to 'regular' foods adjust to living with allergies, so it's supposed to be 'tasty food.' Let's just say, I've never made anything from it yet because there were too many ingredients I used to think were no-no's.
I will do my first post of this series before I leave for my residency next week. While I'm away and probably don't have the chance to prepare food, I'll try to buy some 'goodie' that I wouldn't normally dare to, and blog about that in lieu of a creation.
I would love for this to be an interactive process: if you have a recipe that you'd like me to prepare and feature, please send it to me!
Likewise, if there's a fitness move you'd like me to work on, please send it in!
One more question: I've had to sew up my rebounder twice--it was a very cheap one--and I'm thinking I probably ought to spring for something higher-quality. Any ideas on the best kind of rebounder would be most warmly welcomed.
Much love.
Ela,
ReplyDeleteI think that creating some recipes you'll really enjoy is a fantastic plan. I can definitely relate to your vicarious joy watching others eat decadent treats you've prepared while you sip on tea. Yup, that's me.
As for your new fitness routine, I love how much you're mixing it up. I try to vary the intensity of my exercise but right now I'm training for a race so I"m doing more running and less yoga than I would usually. I think after October I will take big long break from running and pursue some more soul nourishing ways to move.
Ela,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that my last post inspired this "challenge!" I'm excited to see where it goes, and indeed if you do want to have some sort of public blog conversation, we definitely could (though with school, organizing anything is hard for me).
I think you know what I'll have to say about the fruit diet: I've never understood how so many smart people can think these are healthy. There are about 10389038097 reasons why I don't think they are. That said, I'm more interested in the "why" -- what were you hoping to accomplish? If it was the idea of purity, given how purely you already eat, I would tell you right away to stop, because that does sound like an ED voice speaking. From what I can tell, you have learned and thrived from more variety in the last year or two, so why not pursue that?
xo
I think that's a wonderful idea! I can't wait to see what treats you choose to make/eat.
ReplyDeleteLisa--it's so inspiring to me to hear that you are just the same way about vicarious pleasure: it seems to me that you are also able to _take_ pleasure.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about taking up running too at this time, but I'm a little anxious about 'being extremist' with exercising too, so I'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear more about your race training adventures. I've been using your tip of the plank ever since you mentioned it!
love
Ela
Gena--thanks so much once again. And yes, I would absolutely _love_ to do some sort of blog conversation about these matters, even if it was just every two weeks. My schedule is about to get even more hectic too, with my MFA program about to start, so if we had something planned as a regular occurrence, it'd be easier to make it work.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that going back to fruit was motivated mostly by desire to get thinner, by remembering how easy it was to be super-skinny when I ate that way (and conveniently forgetting that that period, on top of the ED days, probably effected some permanent changes in my body that make this less sustainable now!) So yes, I confess and acknowledge that it's wise to step back away from this again. It's enough that adding carbs and fruit back in felt great: that doesn't mean eliminating everything else!
love
Ela
Thanks, Amber--
ReplyDelete--One of the possible routes for getting recipes will be via reader suggestions, so if there are any recipes (of yours, or others) that you'd love to see me make, shout 'em out!
love
Ela
Ela, you've gotten great advice, so I don't have much to add except to say that 1. I'm a huge fan of eating for pleasure. I think if any one thing marks my recovery from anorexia, it's precisely this, my ability to delight in food. Of course, my tastes run uber-healthy, so eating for pleasure doesn't lead me far astray. From what I've gleaned through your blog, that goes doubly for you. I don't see you, like me, eating Babycakes cupcakes. 2. I am a huge fan of a good portion of healthy fats in the diet. They are calming to the nervous system, satiating to the appetite, nourishing to our bodies, and tasty to boot! 3. Not a fan of fruitarian diet, though I do eat at least two fruit servings a day. In real life, the only people I know to be successful with them are a. male, b. young, c. super-athletic. If you are, like these guys, able to eat upwards of 3000 calories a day in fruit, you may get adequate nutrition by default (because all the macronutrients are present in fruits, just in tiny proportions). My guess is you aren't able to eat that many calories! 4. Since you admitted in your reply to Gena a desire to get thinner, I will say that while I continue, post anorexia, to be "thin," I have had to let go of "very thin." For one thing, it would hardly be possible given how much I like to eat! But for another, beyond a certain age, it's so not worth it. So throw away your skinny jeans, Ela, and stop looking back. And when you are watching runway shows, you can snort and say, "when I was that age, I was even thinner." Yes, it's sick, but it works. :-) Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous--thanks so much for your input: I really appreciate it. I can totally see the good of being able to 'eat for pleasure:'--like many things, I think this is partly about establishing habits. I'm so used to talking foods down to myself, as well as having had bad experiences with digestive problems, that pleasure can be elusive. I feel like this blog challenge I'm starting will hopefully help to instill some 'pleasure eating habits!'
ReplyDeleteYou're spot on about my trouble with the fruitarian diet: both last time and this time, I couldn't eat enough calories, got hungry, and started to slide down that 'restrictive' spiral.
That is a great point about letting go of 'very thin:' I need to take that away and let it sink in. My 'skinny jeans' are at my folks' in London, and my ND encouraged me to have them mailed over here so that I can burn them! (It's just one pair.)
Many thanks again
love
Ela
A comment for anonymous and Ela:
ReplyDeleteI love that we're talking about the distinction between "thin" and "very thin" (or think and waif, as I like to think of it). I'm lucky in that my healthy tastes allowed me to remain slender naturally post-recovery, without sacrifice and pain: that's a gift, because it means I was not often tempted to go back to extremes. But the biggest step in my recovery was letting go of the waif I had been--the women so thin that it was noticed and whispered about. I'm certainly not her anymore, and though it would be a lie to say I don't miss it sometimes, what I've gained is so much richer.
Gena--that's a great point about letting go of the 'waif.' I think I kid myself that because it was easy to let go of the 'extreme emaciated practically dead look,' it means that I have also let go of the 'waif' look.
ReplyDeleteI also think that I made it harder for myself by adding to the mess-up of my hormones by deliberately gaining more weight than I was comfortable with (did I share that story with you?) and then relapsing horribly to lose it. I think this distorted my body image yet further (as well as messing up my thyroid and adrenals further).
You are so inspiring in the sureness of your recovery and your emphasis and focus on all the good things gained thereby: it's definitely true that having a slenderness that you can appreciate, and food choices that you can stand by and feel proud of, are a huge part of that 'good things gained' picture.
love
Ela