Reflections on Self-Love: Jealousy

I don't really have time to write a post today, but wanted to check in with today's Reflection on Self-Love.

We're getting the whole summer we didn't have these last few days! We went for a hike on the beach and I even forgot to bring the camera - shame on me! Here's the beach viewed from our yard 300ft higher, the very edge of the bluff barely 30 ft from our house!

Today's topic is Jealousy. Tina asks, "In what ways do you encounter jealousy? How can it hold you back? What could you look to in yourself or your life when wishing for what others have?"

This is something that really repays reflection. I especially appreciate what Tina says earlier in the post about focusing on yourself rather than looking to others for validation or invalidation. She says, "Picture your life through a camera lens. Only you should be in focus. Everything else blurs into the background."

For me, this is extremely powerful. I don't think I'm alone in having grown up thinking that focusing on oneself is selfish. It seems like I need to hear repeatedly that 'your job is you,' or to be reminded that the only way that I can be of service to others is when I'm well-cared for and in good shape - and no one else but me is going to make sure of that!

In my life, jealousy is always either ambivalent or extremely childish. It's ambivalent when I envy someone else's achievements or abilities and then in the next beat realize that I wouldn't want to be them, or that I wouldn't want to have precisely those achievements: I'd rather manage it my own way. If I'm not vigilant, that can lead to feeling bad for not having fulfilled my potential; when I'm doing better, it reminds me to keep on working at it! There are lots of things that Phil can do of which I feel jealous at times, from his athletic prowess to his ease and gregariousness around people. But it feels good when I'm able to remind myself that I'm jealous of these things because I admire them very much, and it's great to admire one's husband! And then, I recognize that being at ease around people is something I can work on, and that there are many other things that I love to do, so that I wouldn't want to spend as many hours of the day in intense physical activity as he does.

When my jealousy is childish, it's usually a moment of weakness when I'm questioning my path. Yes, there are times when I envy Phil that he can eat such enormous quantities and very seldom get a stomach ache and never have to worry about body image, and that sometimes he can go long periods without food without his body going into a panic. Sure, I feel jealous of anyone who's naturally slender and doesn't have to worry about what they eat - but this jealousy is all about non-acceptance of myself. When I'm in a more self-accepting mode, I feel grateful for my digestive challenges, because they have enabled me to become a more creative cook, a more compassionate person and have exposed me to all kinds of superfoods I might not otherwise have explored. I haven't yet found a way to feel grateful for having thyroid/adrenal/metabolic problems - but if at some point I'm able to help other people not to go down the road that leads to those things, I might feel grateful for the experience to share.

Not being jealous is all about choosing your own star to aim at and anchor to, rather than taking someone else as an ideal. And as I just suggested, it seems to me that indulging in jealousy is all about not accepting oneself and finding pointers from the outside to beat up on oneself. 

I hope I'll remember this next time I find myself feeling jealousy!

I'm going outside to harvest beets and potatoes now - hope the sun is shining for you too!