Quick Post - Reflections on Self-Love: Numbers

Hey everyone!

I keep saying I may not get a chance to post, with our journey coming up. Yesterday, I thought I might not get anything posted, and ended up posting a full-on recipe! Well, today's is going to be much briefer, as I'm not packed yet (piles of supplements, no-sugar bars, etc, all over the place) and we're out of here in less than four hours, but Tina's reflection on self-love for today is so important that I needed to share a few words also.

It froze here last night!! And the bear that keeps hanging around our place and our neighbors' places was right up on the porch last night. Phil heard it, opened the door and it practically walked in. When he slammed the door, it didn't even bolt, just walked off slowly. Unfortunately, last night it also dug up compost we'd been burying, which will be a major incentive for it to hang around here more, rather than foraging for its natural foods farther afield. Sadly, we'll have to take our last batch of food scraps to the dump on our way out of town.

Ok, so reflections on self-love.  Tina just says it so beautifully today. While numbers are useful tools, they can take over our lives and we can get caught in the trap of measuring everything.

I can't do better than just quoting what she says: "We need to stop using numbers as a measuring stick for who we are. You can't put love for others on a scale. You can't put passion in a bank account. You can't put fun and enjoyment on a tally sheet. You can't put friendship in a spreadsheet. We must look past numbers to the bigger picture of what makes up our lives."

Amen sister! So well said. She asks, "Have you ever been caught in a number trap?" - and, crucial follow-up question - "What could you have focused on instead of the numbers?"

Ahh - is there anyone for whom this doesn't ring true? Whether it's numbers on a scale, numbers of dollars in the bank account, or even numbers of heads of cabbage you managed to get past the slugs... It's a dangerous place in which to locate our self-worth.

These days, I'm on a self-imposed (but also naturopath-ordered) 'scale strike.' I don't get on the scale. I'm hypersensitive to the smallest fluctuation in my size anyway, and jumping on a scale would invite me to focus on that and obsess about it, make myself miserable. I love Tina's question about what one could focus on instead. For me, part of not getting on the scale should be gauging my energy levels, gauging how happy and loving I'm feeling, being grateful for all that I'm able to do now, rather than tormenting myself over whether my thighs have gotten close together.

Numbers are so alluring, because they give an illusion of control. But it really is an illusion. You can know this, and be controlled by it at the same time. For a long time, I literally could not eat something, unless I had put it on the scale first to calculate its exact number of calories. And I'm talking even a piece of lettuce! I could be too exhausted to hold my head up, but no, I couldn't eat the banana in my backpack until I'd somehow gotten myself home to weigh it. What insanity! And even at the time, I knew that the scale wasn't accurate; I knew that every ounce of banana couldn't possibly have the same number of calories: you can taste how much sweeter some are than others, and there's a reason for that. And yet, the numbers, the illusion of control, ended up controlling me.

It wasn't a joyful kind of existence, and I was stuck there for too long. I really hope not too many other people have to experience that.

OK - I must go pack!
lots of love to all.