Mercury Retro and Another Raw-Foodie Here in Homer!

...and he's the dentist who's going to help me toward health by removing the mercury from my mouth, we hope!

I met him yesterday and he seems like a super-sincere, really neat guy. His dental practice is in his home. Yesterday it was snowing quite hard all morning, and in his warm, beautiful home there were trays of vibrant, happy-looking wheatgrass and sunflower sprouts saluting from the kitchen, and many plants and soothing water sounds. But the most eyecatching and astonishing thing, which I could barely look away from as I sat in the big chair, was an enormous vine trellis at the window of the mezzanine just above - cucumbers! They were rampant with yellow flowers and there were several little fruits on there. Such a contrast to the snow just outside the window.

We soon discovered each other's raw food predilections, and even outside of the dental work I'm so much in need of, I am so glad to have made his acquaintance!

The dental work is a lot, though - I have nine mercury fillings and some of them are very big, very old, very hard to reach. We're going to do the easiest two this coming Friday, and I'll see the naturopath again later in the day and get a vitamin C iv to help flush stuff out.

My energy is really low this week and I'm not feeling well at all. I'm looking forward to writing more in here as I'm able: there is so much that I want to write and it's the first time in weeks that my energy levels have been affecting the interface between will-to-create and creation so much.

Loves to everyone: does anyone out there have mercury removal stories to share? I'd love to hear them.

Appropriate Reconsideration - Why I _Won't_ Be Liver Flushing Next Week

This is going to be very brief - I only have a few minutes. Energy Bar recipe post coming up tomorrow.

This morning (written Friday, posted Sat), I was planning out my liver flush and getting all ready, and then the naturopath whom I was waiting to see called with a cancellation. I took my test results, etc, over to his office and ended up spending most of the morning there, together with sweet supportive Phil - and he talked me out of it!

A vane blown with all winds again? Well, I hope that I was listening to good sense. To be in integrity, I had to mention this change of plan. My mind is still reeling from all the information and implications that he shared with me about my test results concerning heavy metals and yeast and hypothyroid and I'd love to share more.

Update Saturday: I've just written a detailed post about this over on my Eighty Percent Raw blog, in which I explain how he talked me out of doing it and why it made sense to me. Please take a look!

Detox Update and a Celebratory Recipe

I didn't even mention this in 'The view from here' but I really ought to say a bit about the ongoing cleansing process.

Finished Diflucan!

I finished diflucan yesterday (Tuesday - posting this Thursday)! Yay! It's pretty amazing to me that I underwent 30 days of such a strong drug. But it is the only thing that has been shown effective against both strains of yeast that have been taking me over, and I've been taking milk thistle and other liver-supporting herbs throughout, as well as homeopathy. If my mum hadn't suggested the homeopathy and share personal experience with patients having success with that kind of regimen, I don't think I'd have done it (thanks again, Mum!)

What Now?

So, what now? Well, I started on Zeolite yesterday (for heavy metal detox), and also started a rotation of anti-fungal herbs. My tests also gave the information as to which herbs are somewhat effective against one of the yeasts and hardly at all against the other, and the distribution helps me to plan the rotation. This week, it's garlic and cat's claw, so please excuse my breath!

What about adding foods back in? I've been doing Phase 1 for about 6 weeks now and really feel very comfortable with it. I did add maca back in about a week ago (which is Phase 1.5) to help with my thyroid issues and because I love it, and didn't notice any problems. My feeling is that I'll add in Phase 1.5 superfoods before anything else. 

So, my promise to myself was to make a maca/bee pollen fudge to celebrate the end of diflucan. Yesterday I blew that off and was getting ready to renege. But then today I noticed that I felt irritated and jealous when Phil casually ate a whole block of chocolate after lunch, and decided that I needed to keep that promise! So tonight, I put it together. I'll put the recipe at the end of this post, but first a few observations.

Changes in Symptoms - Getting Better!

The anxiety and crankiness that I was experiencing at the beginning of the process have been less and less. I'm so pleased about this, because it helps to show Phil that those two things really were 'die-off' and not just resulting from weight loss. I also recognize that I have to be really careful with how busy I allow myself to get at the moment, because the anxiety is not far from the surface. But I'm not jumping out of my skin at every little thing quite so much. 

Physically, I'm still not feeling strong and energetic, but my appetite is improving, which feels good. I know that there's going to be a 'rebuilding muscle' process when this is all done, and am thinking of taking some yoga to help. 

But my mental energy has been wonderful and clear, and I'm so grateful! I haven't been quite so easily fatigued either. And the 'cranky' tendency has been replaced with a feeling of sweet lovingness and tenderness that I really enjoy hosting!

A wonderful thing to me: when I got my period a couple weeks ago, it felt almost like it used to do, light and almost painless - the cramps and cravings and tension and almost unbearable pain of the last few (they occur less-than-monthly) over the past several months were all gone! And that was even during detox!

One funny thing: I started taking MSM in warm water with lemon and a little stevia a week or two ago, and have found myself absolutely _craving_ this concoction, bittersweet as it is! I'm wanting to take it twice and sometimes three times a day!

Since I know that there is a 'rebuild' process to be undergone but since I'm already in 'cleansing' mode, and additionally since I know that diflucan can be hard on the liver - as can yeasty beasties, for that matter, I am planning on doing a liver cleanse pretty soon. I'll do it according to the Jubb protocol - 14 days of blended foods with three liver/gallbladder flushes in the process. I just haven't quite decided when to start this.

The symptom that has caused me the most discomfort, inconvenience and intense emotional distress throughout has been irregularity/constipation. I've been taking enemas every few days and at the beginning of the cleanse I was taking Yerba Prima's Renew Cleanse for Women, which did absolutely nothing for me - I had to supplement with senna just to keep things moving. Now, though, I'm taking Colosan and together with the enemas have a pretty good purge going on. I am hopeful and intent-ful that the combination of the liver-flushing and seriously repopulating my gut with good bacteria will take care of that horrible problem.

Well, those are my most important observations.

And here's the recipe for my celebratory fudge:

1/2c cacao butter, 

1/2c coconut oil - melt both these together

add 1t stevia powder and a good pinch sea salt

And then I basically added enough dry ingredients so that it held together, including:

2T maca

2T bee pollen (the two stars of the show)

1T lecithin (ground in coffee grinder)

1T glutamine powder

approx. 1c coconut flour

approx. 1c pulp from making nut milk

good shake each of cinnamon and cayenne, vanilla powder

Really yummy! SO satisfying... Maybe just a little too much stevia: Phil thought it tasted sugary!! None whatsoever... If I had mesquite, I'd put a little of that too. This is the kind of dessert I want to specialize in: super-yummy and sometimes a bit decadent but packed with things that are genuinely good for your body.

In my no-sugar energy bar post this week, I'm going to share a recipe that I think is delicious enough to be dessert but is far less fatty and definitely appropriate for everyday use. So please stay tuned!

On the Other Side of the Glass/Different Perspectives on (your partner's) Detox/My Failed Attempt at Self-Transformation

More posts about the energy bars are coming! But today I feel that I need to write about some more personal stuff, to open my soul and strive for clarity through revelation, hope for good advice from kindred spirits and also hope that my own experiences may be of help to others. It's probably going to take two posts to say what I have to say conveniently.

Many people who change their diets are familiar with the social acceptance issues that this can provoke. The person who changes has their own part in this, in terms of avoiding becoming obsessive or judgmental whilst preserving their integrity. Their loved ones and family members also have the challenge of acceptance and understanding. There are so many differences between Phil's and my choices, constantly requiring our mutual acceptance and understanding: in many ways it seems like we inhabit parallel but different universes! And right now, marvelously accepting and understanding though Phil is, the intense cleansing process I'm going through, together with the prognosis of remaining on a low-glycemic raw diet, are difficult because of this difference in world-view. 

Here's some back-story to explain why I think that the groundwork I laid made this even harder.

'A Vane Blown with All Winds'

I own the mixed blessing of being ridiculously flexible in the ability to see all perspectives, to the point that I don't hold my own ground but allow myself to be, as Shakespeare would say, 'a vane blown with all winds.' Especially if I admire someone, I'm very likely to emulate them.

Well, I admire Phil tremendously! Apart from being extremely loving, funny and intelligent, he is, simply put, superman. He thinks nothing of working hard chainsawing all morning and then going for a 15 mile hike in the afternoon just for relaxation. He's been farther out in the most inhospitable wilds than anyone I know, just roaring along covering decades of miles per day on foot, just because he has so much energy. In the huge blizzard a couple of weeks ago, on one of the worse wind days he ski'd in the morning and climbed down our bluff to hike along the beach to town in the afternoon. I met him in town and had a hard time walking just a few hundred yards, the wind was so strong and icy! Oh, and did I mention, he's 61?!

On top of all this, he eats for fuel (can easily make a plate of meat and potatoes disappear when I've barely taken two bites of my salad, and be ready to run out again, whereas I feel better letting things digest for a while) and especially, for pleasure. If he feels like it, he'll take care of the whole pan of brownies at a sitting, or eat ice cream by the quart although he knows it's bad for him and makes him mucusy. Although he loves plants and herbs and is willing to put anything in his mouth in terms of wildcrafting experiments, his preferred tastes really are sugar and salt. And in terms of fuel, meat and bread are at the center.

When we got together, I had been vegetarian basically my whole life and raw for a half dozen years, and was just experimenting with raw animal products. I was also just beginning to build significant strength, which it's always been hard for me to do, and which I wanted very badly. I had also just been doing my own diabolical 'supersize me' experiment with the 'Primal Diet,' which is another story I could tell if there's interest, and thought I had some weight to lose. 

The Dangers of Being Married to Superman

So, I admired him so much and wanted so much to fit in with his life, and until my body simply wouldn't let me do it anymore, I set it as a rule for myself that I had to do as he did, in terms of physical output. Somehow, I thought that  if he's still (at the time) pushing 60 and going strong, and his diet and attitude worked for him to make such a dynamic phenomenon, I could convert myself to be the same.  So, if we'd been hiking all day and then he wanted to launch the boat from our campsite and row it around a bit, I had to go too, instead of finally relaxing. He never wanted me to be like this, and it was torture to make myself do it That recent blizzard day when I didn't join him brought home to me how glad I am that I removed that rule from myself!

As for adjusting to his food beliefs, he has such a cast-iron constitution and, it should be added, such a successful 'pleasure' approach that, whilst he acknowledges that what we eat does have some effect on our health, he has little patience for 'faddism,' doesn't really believe that there's danger from toxins/pesticide residues, etc, and dislikes the tendency to obsessiveness/judgment/exclusivism that tends to accompany special diets. 

I couldn't possibly eat the way he does (if only because of the gluten) but for the first year or so that we were together, I tried to at least make my diet a subset of his. I quit paying so much attention to rawfood considerations, lost touch with rawfood acquaintances, educated myself about meat and fish, started eating cooked food - and there were some good parts to that. There were enjoyable times: I love to cook! I also tried to allow myself to be a little more pleasure-oriented, and especially, to be able to feed myself pleasurably no matter where we were: I conceived a guilt complex for having had 'special needs' and forbad myself to make my own 'special foods.'

Constant cravings were a totally new thing for me, as well as feelings of deprivation. This was a 'detox' of its own: a lot of repressed cravings and deprivation from the anorexic and then fruitarian days, unacknowledged and now clamoring for attention.

Unfortunately, as my digestion worsened and my frustration continued as the 'supersize me' weight dissipated only slowly, this led to my buying all kinds of 'special' diet bars, etc, instead of making my own, which only helped me to feel worse. Worse here means weaker, increasingly depressed, moods out of control.

I quit all that, as well as dairy (which I'd re-experimented with), which made things much better emotionally, and was eating mostly steamed vegetables and a little meat and fish. But even then, even taking strong digestive enzymes, I had intense stomach pain every time I ate. Now, eating no meat, raw salads, nuts, algae, I'm usually pain free! It is such a relief! 

Back to being deviant...

But it is so painful too, because of its divisiveness and because it puts paid to my eating solely local foods. I really did try to make myself successfully 'locavore' (fish and game, with seasonal plant matter) here in Alaska. 

And I really did try to eat more like everyone else. Those are the two dilemmas. The first, locavorism, is about abundance, which has been a life-long issue for me to work on, while the second is about social acceptance, which I scorned in as a food-choice-based issue for a long time but which actually does count for something. 

I really believe in self-transformation, and that we can perceive this life and universe through any of a myriad prisms of perspective. And I really believed that I could transform myself into engaging with it like Phil does, specifically in the realms of activity output and insouciance about food input. I'm trying not to view this as a failure but rather as a recognition that in this regard, we are on different paths. Trying to turn myself into Phil was not ultimately going to serve me on my path, and therefore probably wasn't even the best thing for our relationship. It's back to the Serenity Prayer and 'the wisdom to know the difference' (between what I can and cannot change).

In the next section, I'll talk about the deeper dangers and concerns over this deviant diet of mine in Phil's and my different paradigms, since that's the troublous thing at the moment. And I'm afraid that my 'feet first' attempt to completely remake myself as described above probably makes my current habits seem even more outlandish and hard to accept.