Explanations

Well, that was quite the irresponsible-bloggerly behavior, wasn't it! Disappearing unannounced for a month, then reappearing with a book review and scarcely a word of explanation, then disappearing again! What on earth? Partly, I haven't known what to say. Implausible as it may sound that I be at a loss for words, I've been really struggling with the question of how much to reveal on my blog; whether it's inadvisable to be as transparent here as I aim to be in real life.

So, let's try this: I'll play it a little coy on here, and if you want to know more, contact me directly and I'll share. Basically, if you're still there, dear reader, you may have guessed--my health situation had gotten very very serious, to the point that I ended up at the place of no shoelaces, and having to be there for a good long period of time. Sliding over that long period--it was intense, infuriating, full of learning, lonesome, sociable, and many other contrasts. Even more intense is getting out of there all newborn and vulnerable, and having just barely a week to get ready to go down to Tacoma for my MFA program residency, the key residency as I go into my thesis year. Settling back in just in time to go away again.

So. Lessons? Life is hard and life is precious, like this jewel of a dragonfly whom I was only able to photograph because he was dying:

And life is funny--what's wrong with this picture??

That was fun to be stuck behind at a traffic light.

Okay. I'm heading down to Tacoma pretty soon, and I'm feeling in love with words but a little at a loss for them. So we'll see what I manage to say. I promise my intention is to be a more dedicated blogger again (reading as well as writing, sorry guys). I've even installed some plugins and they may even stop the thousands and tens of thousand spam comments. And if I'm really good, you guys might leave me some real comments, and I might finally have an automated way to comment back! And then life will be good ;>

Another good life thing: literally best summer ever (over 30 years at least, apparently) in AK. Nice to be out of the hospital so I can be out in it before going away again. This whole blog post has been written outside and the hardest thing has been seeing the screen!

Newsflash: Cloning for the Cure (or not); Elamonster Loves Her Labyrinth

All body image issues eliminated!

Beginning in 2012, all humans who wish to will be given the opportunity to upgrade their physical operating system. It is hope that most humans will choose the upgrade at earliest convenience. By 2020, it is projected that all humans will be on the new system, and the old format will be phased out by that time.


Here is an artist's impression of the appearance of the new human: 

Everyone will look alike, and everyone will be effortlessly skinny. There will be no invidious comparisons of self with other. Since the skin on the new physical operating system is sensitive to environmental conditions, and automatically adjusts to keep the person comfortable in heat, cold, oxygen-deprived conditions, in the presence of airborne toxins, and even underwater, there will be no need for clothing. Thus, judgment and derision based on fashion sense will become obsolete. The new human will be able to synthesize nourishment from any organic material in zhis immediate environment, and will have a natural preference for green foods. Creativity in food preparation will thus be retained, without harm to animals or disruption of the alimentary canal.

Note the pronoun "zhis" above: the nominative form is "zhe" and the accusative is "zhim." There will be no more gender distinctions between humans. Sexual intimacy will be a pleasure fraught neither with the risk of disease nor of conception, and no one will be discriminated against by the use of language.

Disclaimer: How long do you think that would last? If we're still humans, how soon would it be before we found ways to differentiate from one another? If everyone looked like the above picture, would all anorexics be cured overnight? I don't think so!

Today's prompt was maybe the hardest for me so far--to write an article announcing the miracle cure for one of our health conditions. As is probably clear, I'm not yet entirely comfortable even saying the names for my "conditions" out loud on here, as I swing back and forth between recognizing them as useful tools and heuristics for learning to do my best on the one hand and resisting the labels on the other (and a dose of denial on the third hand).

So, I tried to have a little fun with the whole body image craziness notion, but of course making everyone look alike would not solve the underlying issue! 

For the other "condition," I had a couple ideas too:

(1) Everyone with manic-depressive illness to be issued with a special synesthetic kaleidoscope, through which they can perceive the world with a breadth beyond their current "pole."

(2) A special space has been set aside (online, with a physical location in every human community) where manic people are given their choice of world-saving tasks to accomplish with their superhuman energy, including poetry writing, art, scientific discoveries, architectural design... And when they pass into depression, a special space has been saved where they are constantly reminded of all the ways they have made contributions, where they can look into their special kaleidoscopes and see that they are the same person as that crazed, world-saving person.

I lay awake last night thinking about this prompt and every miracle cure I could dream up left me cold. There are elements of disease that make us who we are, and imagining myself with all my "issues" lifted away leaves someone I do not recognize. My conclusion, with Charles Simic, would have to be "Elamonster Loves her Labyrinth."

What miracle cure would YOU love to see in the headlines? Or is there any such thing?

Permanent Residency, Sojourn, and (Passover Friendly) Energy Bars for David and Terry, HAWMC #7

I'm such a frugal dork! I'd been recycling the .png from HAWMC on my posts every day, and finally realized that they're day sensitive, so the image on all my posts hitherto says "Day 1." Here's an attempt to show I can do it right:

Today is "free day," which means we get to choose our own prompt. I had a post all ready to go (in my head) and a recipe to share, but then I got some wonderful news yesterday, which takes today's post in a whole different direction. I'll still share the recipe in just a moment...

...but first, I should share that I received a nondescript letter in the mail confirming that the conditions on my Green Card have now been removed, and I am now a "permanent" Permanent Resident, within just three years of eligibility for US Citizenship! Since 9/11, marriage-based Green Cards have carried a two-year probation period, after which you have to apply all over again, with the same exhaustive set of documentation, letters from people who know you, etc, to prove the bona fides of the marriage. A long, slow process, and they asked for yet more evidence even after I sent them so much, but all is well now. My sincerest thanks to all our friends who wrote letters on my behalf.


A change in status from "pending" to "confirmed" is a small transformation of sorts, and it fits with something I've been writing obsessively about recently: the whole concept of crossing from one side to another, of having one's perceptions altered by which side of the glass one stands on, of living a life in many parallel worlds.


One of the most important ways this plays out is in the parallel worlds of wellness and sickness. Of course, I'm not the first to call wellness and sickness parallel worlds--Susan Sontag and Virginia Woolf both do so. But it's interesting to me that at times in the past decade I have resisted getting medical help because of fear that my status as a sojourner in the world of the sick might make me less attractive as an "American," might somehow jeopardize my presence in the country. Ironically, looking back, as long as I flew under the medical radar, I was also somehow under the radar in terms of full-fledged participation in mainstream society, although my volunteerism has always been exemplary.


At this point, as I become sanctioned as a permanent resident, I'd say I'm contributing fully, if unconventionally, to the mainstream society. I teach college, and do other freelance work. I'm in an MFA program. I'm active in my local writing community and other communities. And in order to be able to imagine doing any of this, I see a Naturopath and a therapist, I take medications, I admit to some scary diagnoses. In order to have both my feet in the world of mainstream American society, I have to acknowledge that I have one foot in the world of the well and one foot in the world of the sick.


Given the "good orderly direction" with which this Permanent Residency has been accepted, I have to accept that I'm grateful--for all of it, even the sick parts.


OK, here's the RECIPE--you can stop scrolling now!
I make energy bars for Phil on a regular basis. He loves this one recipe that consists of peanut butter and honey boiled together, with oats, protein powder, nuts and dried fruit stirred in, and many of his friends are hooked on it too. But I love variety, so occasionally I try out a different recipe. This one I adapted from the Beyond the Peel blog. I made changes so that Phil would love it better. But creature of habit that he is, Phil didn't love them, and both he and a friend of his who love the bars I usually make said that these tasted more decadent and so they couldn't eat as many. The truth is, these are much "healthier" than the regular bars, so perhaps they're more satiating! However, two other friends, Terry (who's visiting for the weekend) and David, adored these bars.


I'm sharing my version of Beyond the Peel's beautiful Chocolate Banana Power Bars for Terry and David. These bars are gluten and grain free with no leavening, perfect for Passover (although I'm the only Jew around here!) They can easily be vegan and dairy free too.


Ingredients
1/2 cup hazelnuts, processed to a meal in food processor, set aside
1/2 cup prunes, pitted
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 ripe banana
1/2 cup coconut flour
1/4 cup chocolate flavored protein powder of choice
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup honey (or coconut nectar, agave, maple)

3 T chia meal (or flax meal)

100g dark chocolate + 1 T palm shortening (or other non-hydrogenated shortening--keeps the chocolate shiny), melted


How-to
Preheat oven to 350, grease a 9x9 pan.
Whiz prunes, pb, banana in the food processor until well incorporated.
Add the flours and protein powder, process; add the honey or syrup and melted coconut oil, process; add the chia meal, process
The texture will be thick and sticky.
Scoop the batter into your prepared pan, and smooth it down flat with your hand or a spatula, making it level.


Bake for around 20 minutes--this is just to firm them up, so the timing is not sensitive.
Let the bars cool in the fridge or freezer before covering with the melted chocolate.
I find it helpful to slice into sixteen bars before the chocolate firms up.
Aren't they pretty?

Happy Holidays! I'll be back with a conversational post tomorrow.