Newsflash: Cloning for the Cure (or not); Elamonster Loves Her Labyrinth

All body image issues eliminated!

Beginning in 2012, all humans who wish to will be given the opportunity to upgrade their physical operating system. It is hope that most humans will choose the upgrade at earliest convenience. By 2020, it is projected that all humans will be on the new system, and the old format will be phased out by that time.


Here is an artist's impression of the appearance of the new human: 

Everyone will look alike, and everyone will be effortlessly skinny. There will be no invidious comparisons of self with other. Since the skin on the new physical operating system is sensitive to environmental conditions, and automatically adjusts to keep the person comfortable in heat, cold, oxygen-deprived conditions, in the presence of airborne toxins, and even underwater, there will be no need for clothing. Thus, judgment and derision based on fashion sense will become obsolete. The new human will be able to synthesize nourishment from any organic material in zhis immediate environment, and will have a natural preference for green foods. Creativity in food preparation will thus be retained, without harm to animals or disruption of the alimentary canal.

Note the pronoun "zhis" above: the nominative form is "zhe" and the accusative is "zhim." There will be no more gender distinctions between humans. Sexual intimacy will be a pleasure fraught neither with the risk of disease nor of conception, and no one will be discriminated against by the use of language.

Disclaimer: How long do you think that would last? If we're still humans, how soon would it be before we found ways to differentiate from one another? If everyone looked like the above picture, would all anorexics be cured overnight? I don't think so!

Today's prompt was maybe the hardest for me so far--to write an article announcing the miracle cure for one of our health conditions. As is probably clear, I'm not yet entirely comfortable even saying the names for my "conditions" out loud on here, as I swing back and forth between recognizing them as useful tools and heuristics for learning to do my best on the one hand and resisting the labels on the other (and a dose of denial on the third hand).

So, I tried to have a little fun with the whole body image craziness notion, but of course making everyone look alike would not solve the underlying issue! 

For the other "condition," I had a couple ideas too:

(1) Everyone with manic-depressive illness to be issued with a special synesthetic kaleidoscope, through which they can perceive the world with a breadth beyond their current "pole."

(2) A special space has been set aside (online, with a physical location in every human community) where manic people are given their choice of world-saving tasks to accomplish with their superhuman energy, including poetry writing, art, scientific discoveries, architectural design... And when they pass into depression, a special space has been saved where they are constantly reminded of all the ways they have made contributions, where they can look into their special kaleidoscopes and see that they are the same person as that crazed, world-saving person.

I lay awake last night thinking about this prompt and every miracle cure I could dream up left me cold. There are elements of disease that make us who we are, and imagining myself with all my "issues" lifted away leaves someone I do not recognize. My conclusion, with Charles Simic, would have to be "Elamonster Loves her Labyrinth."

What miracle cure would YOU love to see in the headlines? Or is there any such thing?