Reflections on Self-Love - Forgiving Oneself; No-Sugar Cookies

Ahhh, self-forgiveness - what a crucial element of self-love! Busy again today (run-up to going out of town, lots to finish up, lots to prepare) but I wanted to just check in with a few words in response to this.

I think it has to tie in with my recent observations about needing to let go of the past and future and be in the present, which is the only place that anything can be accomplished. It's a horrible habit, to dredge up every error and shortcoming that is in the past and hold it up in the present like a glaring piece of ugliness, when it isn't even real anymore! I also know, having been a teacher, that it would be a pretty terrible teaching style if you want someone to make progress - why focus on the failures?

Tina asks, "Is there anything you have trouble letting go? Are there any ways you try to "punish" yourself?" Heck, yes. Aside from the whole behavioral element of feeding oneself right, and getting out of 'fat talk,' which I have to work on every single day, I punish myself for needing special foods! I mentioned that I had at one point tried to make one meal-plan work for both Phil and me. Instead of just dismissing it as a bad idea when it didn't work out, I beat up on myself for having these extra needs, as if his needs were 'right' and mine were 'wrong!' Needs don't have a right and wrong - they just are. Sure, it would be more convenient if I could just 'fit in' with whatever meat and bread and potatoes when we go to the farm, but I'm choosing to feel glad that I can make better choices for myself and hopefully not offend or interfere with anyone else.

I also love to be very careful in my speech, but sometimes I get so enthusiastic that my tongue carries me away and I say something that wasn't meant or that comes out wrong. It seems like I am always far more traumatized by that than anyone else is, even the person to whom I said the inappropriate thing - it dogs me and haunts me.  I'm excited to be putting this out there to let go of it, to live in the present instead!

So, making these no-sugar energy bar-type things to take to Oregon is part of acknowledging my own needs; part of self-love.

This one, just made this morning, was a cup of chia-sweet made from warm water, 2 teaspoons white stevia, 1 teaspoon lemon extract and 7 tablespoons chia seeds. Mixed together with about a cup of shredded coconut, 3-4 tablespoons coconut oil and 4-5 tablespoons flax meal. Just a  little bit of coconut flour at the end to hold it all together.

And this one, which is all dried now, was a cup of chia-sweet made with warm water, 2 teaspoons stevia, 4 drops chocolate flavor extract. Mixed with about a cup of very fine-shredded coconut, 2 tablespoons (soaked and dried) sesame seeds, a sprinkling of poppy seeds.

What is self-forgiveness about for you?

Reflections on Self Love - Love From Others & Confession of the Week

I've so been looking forward to writing this post today, because today's reflection on self love was an extremely powerfully expressed invitation to reflect on the love that we receive from others. When we're not being loving toward ourselves, we can tend to shun the love that comes to us from others and persuade ourselves that nobody loves us at all.

This is a trap that I've fallen into, and the timing was perfect, as I wanted to talk about something on similar lines as part of my confession for the week.

However: it's 10.30pm, we've had guests and then been guests all day except when I was preparing for their arrival, Phil is likely leaving for a week's hunting tomorrow and I have food to prepare for him, and I'm toast, so I'm not going to do the full justice to the subject that I'd been hoping to. I had all the photos uploaded (does this take ages for anyone else? I do it ahead of writing the post) but we just got home and I discovered I'd left the burner on the stove on! I'm horrified by this. I'd been sauteeing a couple of these beautiful beets to take with us

- and I guess we left in a bit of a rush.
Here's my latest no-sugar energy bar creation, drying under the fan - chia-sweet, mesquite, ground walnuts, ginger, cinnamon, nut pulp (so nice and fluffy now I can grind it in the Vita-Mix!) and flax meal.

I've realized that I really do need to give it some heat for the first portion of drying time - the fan doesn't penetrate to the center unless I make things very thin. I made all kinds of unusual-to-me creations - quiche lorraine, key lime pie - the last few days, glad to expand my repertoire of things I can make that the palates I live with appreciate! And huge salads from our garden, of course.

So, it's such a gift that we all have, that people love us - we're never truly an island except when we believe it so and isolate ourselves.
This reflection was so appropriate for me, as it ties in very well with a non-serving habit that I've been consciously trying to change starting this past week, and have been having some good results so far, I think.
I confess this non-serving habit: I have a tendency to interpret things in the most negative possible light, just as a reflex, almost. Even if someone gives me a compliment, I often think that they're really telling me that what I've done previously hasn't been adequate! Or if someone asks me why I'm doing something, I have been prone to taking it as an attack as opposed to just a question. This habit hasn't served my relationship with Phil, who is my best friend as well as my husband, and who looks out for me and tries to help me be my best. It has left him feeling untrusted and like he can't be transparent with me. It's because I value transparency so highly that I am dedicated to working on changing this attitude habit, of listening to what people say and ignoring the little voice that converts it instantly to something negative, of working instead to try and find a more uplifting meaning, something that would encourage me to feel good instead of bad.

I am so grateful to Phil for loving me (here we are on our anniversary last January)

and to everyone else who loves me too! I love you all as well.

There were other things I wanted to write about, but I can't even tell if I'm making coherent sense, I'm so tired!
Love and gratitude.