Choosing Housemates and Guests

Fresh fruit in Alaskan winter feels like a decadent blessing--notice the date on the plate, which seems more reasonable; notice the snake on the plate.

There's turmeric brought back from England, too, like the last time I went. Last time I brought turmeric back it was the harbinger of hard times for me physically, and the same again now, or worse. So many scientific studies are bogus because they claim, for example, that cholesterol causes heart disease, confounding correlation "a happens when b happens" with causation "in the presence of/because of b, you get a." Today's lesson. Returning from England with turmeric and having my weight/food relationship in free fall have happened together twice now, but that does not mean the one causes the other. There is a much bigger picture to be taken into account. Lots of other fruit on the plate--and the snake.

This has been such a rich week in terms of Internet-based offerings in the setting intentions/personal development arena. I could have listened to great audios all day every day. And there's still more to come! We've had intention setting, nutrition, manifestation, sacred journaling, yoga... Next week, there's The Future of Nutrition Conference, with five days of talks--the first four days twelve talks on the hour EST (I guess I'll be waking up early), the fifth day "only" eight. I'm always relieved that they offer 24-hour replays in case anything's actually going on, you know, in my "real" lift. I'm looking forward to this one because there's a dizzying array of nutrition experts, from low-fat vegan promoters to paleo dieters, from raw vegans to low carbers. I love the opportunity to listen to such a spectrum of views in short order; it enables me to note commonalities, spot fallacies, notice what I'm attracted to.
I've been taking notes on the other summits/webinars, and  I'll share some in my next post.

I'm grateful to have had those guests into my temporary home. They're ephemeral visitors, my sojourn here is temporary, and yet listening to them has offered me some modes for creating stability.

Another guest I had in this house was less welcome: a mouse. Having lived in the jungle with rats and centipedes and biting ants in the bed, you'd think mice would be no big deal to me. But man, I was so upset! Last summer I had a serious mouse problem in the small-dark-room living situation I had then. They got into my stored food--I'd inadvertently left some nuts and other mouse-attractants in plastic bags instead of glass jars. But the little buggers ate into my bag of cinnamon, my nori sheets, my spirulina, and other things I'd never have guessed a mouse would eat! Between the damp/dark/smell/irritation, I guess I grew some antipathy back then. 

There was only one mouse, and I chose to expel it from this space; I didn't want it as a room mate. But ever since it was here, I've been seeing mice everywhere! Moving shadows, my hair in my peripheral vision, passing hallucinations...all mice!
My wise mom told me once, "If you have unwanted guests, don't entertain them, and they will leave." There's nothing lying around for a mouse to eat here. Not even the phantom mice.

Here are the housemates I did choose. I mentioned sprouts before. I now have some little clover greens, one or two milk thistles, sunflower sprouts. They struggle in the yellowish light here, reaching eagerly and leggily toward it. I love how the sunflower sprouts loop up, still with that black seed cap on their dicot leaves, hands clasped in prayer.

I was sat on a chair beside this table, writing, and heard the sort of soft-fall noise that usually startles me and is sometimes hallucinatory. It was the sound of one of those sunflower husks dropping from a sprout, the liberated leaves opening out. Hello, hallowed.

Ten Essentials (HAWMC)

My sincerest thanks for all the love and comments, both on and off the blog, in response to my previous post. The freedom to express myself and the loving responses are really helping me through this challenging time.

Happy Friday the 13th! A lucky day for many, I know. Today's prompt: Ten Things You Can't Do Without--the desert island emergency kit. I like how WEGO suggest that this list could be expanded on in future posts as well, focusing on why these items are important. I should start by saying that the whole concept of "ten things I can't do without" strikes a discordant note for me. There has been so much emphasis in my life on "doing without." Even now, living in what feels like relative luxury, I live without a bathroom or toilet in a not-quite-two-room cabin, driving 20-some-year old beat-down automobiles. I've lived without electricity, without a convenient water supply, without food, without friends. Probably the "no friends" scenario was the hardest of all. I get really into certain foods and think I'll eat them every day for the rest of my life, and then I can't look at them. So, whenever I try to think of something I'll certainly need and couldn't do without, the chances are that there's either been a time in my life when I've done without it, or that I can envision a time when I'll do without it in the future.


With that disclaimer, here are ten things I love, not necessarily in order:


1. The Sun!
Like the moon, I need the light of the sun to respond to--I reflect its light and shine back myself.

full moon last September

Even when the sun is filtered through snow clouds, it fuels me and lifts me up.  

I feel blessed to see the colors the sun throws through our atmosphere--winter sunsets are one of the best things about winter here. 

These last few days, we've had the "solar oven" effect in our cabin, which I love. I miss the warmth of the CA and HI and Israel sun--but find so much to appreciate about the sun here.


2. People
If it wasn't for other people, I definitely wouldn't still be around. I mean that both figuratively and very literally.


If it wasn't for my mum--and my dad, of course--I wouldn't be here in the first place. And my mum has also been a wonderful rock and help to me through some dark times in my life.

Phil, of course. Even if he's ashamed of me at the moment, his love, his kindness, his generosity, his general all-around awesomeness are green shoots in the parched and chilled soil of my existence. He's so beloved by so many people, and I feel truly blessed that he directs so much of his abundant love toward me.

Everyone who reads this blog! If you didn't read it, I wouldn't be writing it, so I "wouldn't be here" in that sense either. Having lived in so many places throughout my life, I have the bittersweet Persephone blessing of dear friends scattered all around the world. I am grateful, so grateful, for all my friends--both those whom I'm blessed to see on a regular basis and those with whom I have to keep up by electronic and spiritual means, including some I've never met face to face.
(Now, how would I take "people" with me to a desert island??)


3. Writing (Pens, notebooks, computers) 
If not for writing, I'd have no sense of perspective on my life, and I'd perpetually feel like the unmilked cow. I wouldn't be giving as much either to my community or to my immediate environment.


I'm so grateful for notebooks and the trees from which they came.

And for my computers, as frustrating as they can be at times! Yes, this is a snapshot of using both computers for recording a lecture (slides on one, script on the other)--but even writing lectures is a valid part of writing!

4. Rocks, and Hiking to Find Them

We're blessed to live right on the edge of a beach that is rocky, dynamic, and often deserted. I'm one of those who has to limit the number of rocks she brings home from a hike, and I'm somewhat obsessed with rocks with holes in them! Last weekend, when Terry was visiting, she and Phil hiked without me while I nursed my 'flu and worked, and both days they brought me home a "hole" rock. I'd have loved to have been able to join them for the hike, but those gifts made me feel so special and loved, and included.


5. Creating Food for Other People and Gifting It
Another thing I couldn't take to a desert island so easily!

As non-visual and messy as I am, it's really meaningful to me not only to make delicious food for people, well-chosen food for each person's tastes and preferences, but also to make it beautiful and to present it in an attractive way.


6. Herbs
I make up for all the things on the list that I couldn't take with me to a desert island by including something I would likely find right there! 

This reminds me that I should resume my series of Herbal Projects blog posts! Wildcrafting, growing, harvesting, playing with herbs--I've been doing it since I was about 4 years old when I served our coal delivery man a brew I'd made from herbs in the back yard! As mercurial and changeable as I am, this is something I've always come back to, and whether or not the herbs themselves are efficacious (often they are), it seems like the activity of being engaged with them is a total positive for me.


7. Carrots!
I should do a compilation post of all my carrot recipes sometime! This is one of the things I'm afraid I might end up "going off of," but carrots have been a staple in my diet for an impressively long time by my standards. I wish they had fewer omega-6's and more omega-3's, but they have very little of either. I love their taste, texture and versatility.


We still haven't figured out how to grow wonderful carrots here, they've tended to be woody...

...although this carrot is a winner, and it's even paired with another of my favorites, mint, and with a beloved notebook and Vitamix in the background...

8. Pills

I hate to say it, and would love to think that this may not be true sometime in the future, but I'd be remiss not to include medications in this list. As resistant as I can be to taking them, they're the first thing I pack whenever I go on a trip, and I know that if I go without them for long, bad things happen.

9. Green Growth, Inside and Out
I'd hope that my desert island wasn't a sandy desert but had at least some rainfall and water--but even in parched sandy soils, green things grow. As the sun lifts me up, the green in the ground calms me and gives me a sense of connection with life beyond the bounds of my own body.

 Plants in the house breathe for me.

10. Muscle...and Fat
I've buried this all the way at the bottom, where perhaps no one's reading anymore, so if you're still reading you get to tell me whether this is brave or just bravado. Part of my incredulity about the danger and criticality of my current situation stems from the fact that in the past I've been at much lower, scarily low, weights than I am now--and here I still am, so what's the big deal, right?! So I'm reminding myself that with 20 fewer pounds on me than I have now, what I would lose would be mostly muscle. It was hard to move around with that little muscle back then. I need muscle. I'd go as far as to say it's essential. And I hate even more to say this one, but in addition to muscle, I need some adipose tissue. I still see plenty of fat on my body--that's not negotiable, that's not there to be gotten rid of. Thyroid and steroid hormones, like progesterone, are held in fat tissue, so if I don't have anywhere to put them, taking my pills won't do me any good!


That's my Ten, and it got long! I've seen some wonderful Ten Things on other people's posts already this morning, being "behind the curve" in Alaska Time. What are YOUR ten things?

HAWMC #6 Health-Related Haiku Day

Not surprisingly,

this prompt annoyed me slightly.

Haiku's so much more

than five, seven, five,

repeat ad lib, any theme,

counting syllables.

OK, now I've gotten that off my chest, let's see if I can play nice! The five-seven-five syllabic structure is not an obsessive rule in traditional haiku. What's more important is that there should be some sense of grounding in a specific season, including a specific "kigo" word that symbolizes or represents a season. 

Yesterday, I enjoyed using ekphrasis to muse about health, although I'd never done so before. Since health is closely tied to seasons for many of us--since, in fact, many of our health conditions feel like seasonal fluctuations manifesting in our bodies and psyches, let's see how much fun we can have with haiku!

The other symbolic piece I want to weave in today is the concept of persistence and resurrection in dirt. I recently repotted this aloe plant with dirt Phil grubbed up from under the house where it wasn't quite so frozen. In the warmth of the cabin, from that dirt sprouted a horsetail! You can see it to the left of the pot in the photo.

This plant, equisetum arvensis, renowned in superfoods circles as a great source of silica, is a grass from the age of the dinosaurs and is the most pernicious weed for gardeners in this area. It's a plant-fungus symbiote, with underground networks that can spread 30 feet in a year. You can break it into pieces and every node will grow. It feels like it's made of toughened glass.

Let Spring warm your dirt.

Plan your chosen cultivations.

See what weeds grow.

Seeds brood inert ~(in earth)

What might I allow to sprout

When I declare Spring?

Life--from dust to dust

Year--journey from seed to seed

Each death, a new life.

If my body fails

Let it fall and mix with earth

live on in new form.

If my mind should fail

Let it fall into my body

ground from which to rise.

I'm going to leave it there for today and see if I can get my work done, prepare for a weekend guest and continue to avoid succumbing to Phil's 'flu! I'm so grateful not to be worse afflicted, but I am working at about half my usual speed, which is difficult for me... Back tomorrow with at least one recipe.

YOUR health haikus?? I'd love to hear them.

HAWMC #1: The Time Capsule

Welcome to April--the only fools around here are the March (snowshoe) hares still sporting their winter coats as the snow rapidly recedes.


Welcome to day one of 30 Days of Posts as part of the Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge. Each day, a new prompt. I'll respond to it, and I'd love to hear your responses in the comments too.

Day 1: What represents health and consciousness of wellbeing to you? If you were to prepare a time capsule epitomizing the answer, to be opened in a hundred years from now, what would you put in it?


#1 A bag of seeds and roots of medicinal plants. The seeds would most likely still be viable a century from now, and would bring abundance to whatever will be there. I would include nettles, mint, holy basil, rhodiola, turmeric, aloe vera, parsley, goldenseal, echinacea...
I love our little indoor garden--aloe, mint, and that magical turmeric root still going great guns...and I would want to share that potential with whomever opened my time capsule

#2 Books! Of course, books. I would include poetry that's uplifting to the soul, by poets like Rumi, Hafiz, Tagore, William Blake, Naomi Shihab Nye, Jane Hirshfield, William Stafford.
I would also include both the DSM-IV and the Merck Manual, and the Yellow Emperor's Classic of Internal Medicine. Why? Because my recent experience has been that accurate diagnosis can be a very important step in understanding how to manage oneself, and because I believe that the kinds of diseases exhibited in each time period, and the ways that we talk about them, are very telling of the values and conditions of the broader culture.
I'd also put in a good book on Permaculture, and several books on identifying edible or medicinal plants and seaweeds.


#3 Exercise and exploration--If I could fit my beloved rebounder in a time capsule, I'd put it in--a wonderful friend for anyone. But failing that, I'd put in a jump rope--hey, rope is always useful! And a compass and a magnifying glass, and perhaps some maps--incitements to hit the trail. It's not just that exercise is beneficial; it's also a way of getting grounded. As our snow recedes, we're getting ever-closer to the ground--look how our bluff-edge raised bed got revealed just in the past day or so that had a foot of snow on it last week!

#4 Reflection and connection--If our focus is on health and healing, we need to be able to see ourselves. In order to see ourselves, we need reflection from others too. So, I'd include a mirror, but on the back of the mirror would be a reminder that no self is separate from others. As well as a mirror, I'd include several crystals or rocks that encourage deeper reflection as you look into their semi-opaque surfaces. I'd also include a candle and some matches, and a reminder to look at the sun through lidded eyes, or stare at the candle flame. I would brainstorm other ways to emphasize the point that none of us are separate too--more quotes, perhaps a two-person saw or other piece of equipment requiring collaboration.


#5 Recipes and preparations--I'd include many recipes, both for foods and for medicinal preparations, that I've found to be healing or tonic. I'd also cram my Vita-Mix in there, and a couple good sharp knives and a sharpener. And a starter bundle of my favorites spices and superfoods, including spirulina, maca, turmeric powder.

#6 Writing--I'd include several blank journals and pens, as well as a carefully produced book of prompts to get whomever opens the capsule started.


Well, that's my time capsule, although there's no guarantee I won't come back and add more!

What would YOU put in a health-oriented time capsule?

Reflections on Self Love: Eating Naturally

Another overly busy day, so again this is going to be a brief check-in with reflections on self love. And we might take our postponed trip across the bay tomorrow, fog permitting, so I don't even know if I'll get to post tomorrow, but I'll surely try and read the post before we leave so that I can reflect on it.

(latest batch of no-sugar cookies, super-simple, chia-sweet, flax meal, shredded coconut, ground walnuts, a little carob) 

Well, I love the wonderful serendipity of the ways that these posts feed into one another! Today's post is about eating naturally and finding a comfortable relationship with food and how to make dietary choices. Tina asks, "Have you experienced any shifts in how you view food? What are the biggest influences in your food choices?"

And here I was at the naturopath's for a good chunk of time this morning, and we talked quite a bit about some of that. Not what I eat but how I eat. I've been frustrated because of feeling like I've gained some weight; he says that I'm approaching a healthy weight. But he also says that because of my long starvation history, my body's pathways will be predisposed to store fuel as fat rather than build muscles, simply because storing fat is efficient and it's used to expecting 'famine.' The important take-home message was that the longer I continue not to starve myself, for any reason or pretext, the sooner my metabolism will get back on track, and so the easier it will be to build muscle and lose weight. He warned me that if I go back to self-starvation as soon as we're finished with the whole series of chelation/yeast killing/etc, I'll go straight back to square one with the metabolic and hormonal problems. 

The sane side of myself also knows that I'm into the 'water retaining' end of the month (plus chelating bloats me) and he added that women with hormonal imbalances tend to retain more water at those times, that I could bet on a fluctuation of a good 5-10lbs! Since I'm not very big to begin with, that's a huge fluctuation. And it's another thing that will even out, the longer I continue to eat regularly. 

So, that ties in with yesterday's reflection on perseverance also! To keep on eating regularly, no matter what the 'demon' says, no matter what, and to trust that my metabolism will right itself, that I will continue to be able to exercise more, that eventually I'll feel comfortable in my body.

I'm working on a big shift in how I view food: from a scary, deceptive enemy to a kind of medicine and sometimes a source of pleasure. Most of the 'pleasure' foods I make are for other people and I don't partake, but just recently, especially since having the Vita-Mix, I've been wanting to enjoy food more.

My food choices are influenced by… that could be a long list. Fresh is important.

Plant-based is important. How it feels in my tummy is very important. A big shift in my food choices has been toward fat and protein and away from sugar. I used to fear fat and avoid it completely, and even though my guts aren't great now, I feel so much better minimizing sugar than I did when I ate almost exclusively fruit. Sometimes I'm drawn to something just because it tastes good, but I've had so many bad experiences with things that tasted good in the moment and made me sick afterwards that I'm wary of that most of the time. But if there are things that taste good but that also have medicinal qualities that I'm aware of (like fermented foods with probiotics, spices with antioxidants and healing powers, etc), I'm much more likely to really go with them.

Thanks for reading - please share your own ideas too!

Nostalgic For Eagles, Writing Workshop Notes and Blog, Blogging Comments

Day 3 - I underdressed today - trusted the weather report and the pattern of the last two days, expected the morning rain to burn off to a sultry, humid afternoon. It rained all day, and at this latitude, without the sun shining it gets chilly quickly.

I'm staying on campus to attend the 8pm concert - a string quartet and a double reed group - did I mention how poignant it is being here amidst a big musicians' gathering? I chatted with the husband and wife at the core of the double reed group, called 'Obohio,' a couple days ago, and very friendly and welcoming they were too, but I told them I'd probably cry when I came to their concert. It's such a strange feeling, abutting my current self against the self that lived and breathed oboe and english horn all those years. More grist to my musing about natural habitat - this campus is so comfortable! I could get out of the rain, get some hot water for my tea, find a comfortable chair in the lounge of the student center, and an internet connection! 

Or I could go for a walk in the birch forest all around and feel the rain on my skin.

(this pic was taken yesterday, when it was sunny).

Rosehips everywhere - they intertwine very prettily with that vetch I showed yesterday:

I haven't seen a bald eagle for almost a week  - back home, they're our closest neighbors! There were some immense ravens flying to roost on the eaves of the building our classroom is in this afternoon, arrowing toward the building and then uplifting at the last minute, so it seemed, before piercing right through our windows. By the third time, I was sure they were ravens, but at first I wondered if they were juvenile eagles - never seen such big ravens before!

I'm so grateful for the energy, kindness and sincerity of our three professors for this course - Peggy Shumaker, David Crouse and Jeanne Clark. They manage to be simultaneously challenging and nurturing, and raise good questions as well as answering ours. 

This afternoon, they were joined by a local writer, Theresa Bakker, who offered insights from the inside of an MFA process and a moving meditation on the value of walking as part of the creative process. I've found her blog and look forward to following it henceforth!

Speaking of blogs, two things! First, thanks to Sue Ann Bowling, a Geophysicist emerita and newly-published science fiction writer, our workshop has its own blog! They're going to put up the day's exercises and are encouraging us to post our drafts in response. I may just do that too. The blog is at http://homecomingbook.wordpress.com/  (and I'm sorry, but I don't think I'd have recognized David Crouse from that photo!)  

Second, I want to try to say something that's been on my mind, coming out of a comment on my blog post of Monday. Averie wrote that she appreciates the comments I make on her blog and hadn't been as good about responding. I just want to say that while I really want people to read my blog and am really delighted and flattered and pleased and overjoyed when I get comments, I write comments on other people's blogs because I feel moved to do so, because I admire or otherwise feel moved to respond to what they say. I don't want this to constitute an obligation on them to comment back to me. I think it's too easy to end up in an all-consuming cycle of blog-hopping and reciprocity and would prefer not to have anyone feeling obligated. I write this blog because I love to do it, I write comments on other people's blogs for the same reason. When I have enough online time, I will do more than my 'fair share' of commenting, but that's just how I am - and sometimes I'm offline completely! When I get comments, I'm happy and grateful to know that someone has felt moved to respond.

Thanks so much, Averie and everyone else.