I had to share this amazing full moon rising just after sunset, through the golden brown needles of the larch.
This will be the first time since Phil and I have been together that I won't be at the family farm in this season. I'll miss seeing his mom.
I won't have to make any coffee, or handle any gluten or dairy or animal products.
I won't be surprised in the middle of whatever vortex I'm in by Phil's sudden suggestion to go for a walk or pull potatoes or come look at the sunset. I'll need to make sure I appreciate the beauty around us without his prompting.
Phil goes off for weekends with his guy friends semi-regularly, but this is the first time I've been home alone for several days at a stretch: I've been the one who's taken off, for writing programs, for two weeks at a stretch.
I've got formidable amounts of work to do: my second 'packet' for my MFA program is due this weekend, and among my other jobs is designing a course I'll be teaching next semester! More on that soon. I'm also really hoping to make a lot of progress with the organization of our new kitchen and of my papers. I'm now the proud owner of a filing box and some file folders, so watch me go!
And, despite the despair I mentioned yesterday, I worked out for over an hour today, so I'm persevering and giving time to that too!
Phil's trip to Oregon was a last-minute surprise decision. Last night, I also bought a ticket, also a pretty unplanned decision, to go a very long way indeed--which only adds to the feeling that I need to get everything done. More on that soon.
With all I have to do, and with all the anxiety and frustration inside me, it's tempting to just hole up and absent myself from the outside world. But several of our friends and neighbors have made a point of saying that I should contact them if I need help with anything while Phil's gone, and there are several writers groups and other events that will
I'll be back tomorrow with something delicious
What do you do when left to your own devices?
I'm excited to hear about the class you'll be teaching!
ReplyDeleteI adore being alone. Granted, I live in a suburb close to an urban area, and there are no bears (I am terrified of bears), so it's a different situation than yours. What I tend to do when being alone is eat when I'm hungry (often standing up or reading), laze in bed with books, never ever clean anything, listen to a million podcasts, talk to my dog, and, when I need some conversation, go out on impromptu outings with friends, since having a child makes such things snarlier. I also read a lot. I get a lot of writing done, because there's nobody's agenda impinging on my thinky-thoughts. I start to miss my family after about a week, though, still, when they return, I'm assaulted by their noise and demands.
It can be hard to be alone and I don't prefer it. But I usually have the critters with me which helps. I guess you have your outdoor wild critters and nature as your companion, huh? It's good to focus on house projects and things that might bother the partner while alone. And sometime absence makes the heart grow fonder.
ReplyDeleteCarrie--I love hearing what you do when left alone--in many respects, a lot like what I do. I tend to have good intentions in terms of cleaning and organizing but often end up reading or writing more instead (although I have been known to read while cleaning/organizing).
ReplyDeleteI love being alone too--not worried about bears (although last year, when we had a problem bear that was trying to get in the cabin that might have been different)!
There's definitely always an adjustment period after being apart: I feel like I have so much more time when alone, but that's not always the trump criterion.
love
Ela
bitt--I actually quite enjoy being alone for some amount of time, although I know that it's not ideal as a permanent state for me at the moment. I can see how having the critters would make it quite different (although sometimes they can be hard to deal with when you're by yourself)!
ReplyDeleteYou're right: it's a great opportunity to listen to music he doesn't share my taste for, or do projects that otherwise he wouldn't enjoy being around--and I'm making sure to remember that I share his appreciation for all the wildness around us, and to make sure I get out in it.
love
Ela